Labor of Sanity

Why Hello There

2011-05-27T18:36:00.001-07:00

Hi there.

I think I might, maybe, perhaps....start writing again. It's purely selfish, for my own sanity really. I've put it away, not even thought of writing in way too long. But the little stories, the voice inside is niggling at me. I'm having odd conversations with myself. I don't seem to have any quiet time. I hear the words all the time. Even my husband has been wondering why it's taken me so long.

So yes, it is time I think. Maybe in the next few days? Maybe.

Daddy love, a day late

2010-06-21T11:39:00.001-07:00

So Father's Day was yesterday. I'm a little behind it seems, but here's my Father's Day post. Yesterday I didn't have complete access to the computer since my step-kids were at the house, so here it is today.

This photo up above was taken around 1974 or 1975. That's Dad, Me and my brother Mike on Christmas morning. Check out that sweet moustache and those Elvis sideburns. The photo I wanted to use for this post was one of Dad with those same sideburns but shorter hair, looking terribly cool in a tight black tshirt, and me sitting in my toy Mustang. Unfortunately that photo was giving me fits and wouldn't load properly. So you get the moustache photo instead.

Dad passed away in 1991 at the age of 47 and I miss him terribly. I think about him often. Just about every day, to be honest. I think of him in good times (like my wedding) and in bad (right now, searching for a job). While shopping during the holidays I sometimes stumble across something that would be the perfect gift for him. I did the same thing this year, for Father's Day. It was a Father's Day Astros tshirt. My love of baseball has roots planted by Dad.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I decided to also include a couple of shots of my better half, sporting his Father's Day gift yesterday. My step kids and I headed to the mall Saturday (ick) to pick out something. They like to go into this sports shop at the mall for his gifts. You see, the man I married is also a baseball fan. His team is the NY Yankees. Here he is sporting his gift. Look how happy he is!

And here's the best part.

I think we did a pretty good job this year.

I've somewhat recently taken to referring to Amos as "Dad" when the kids are around. But only when they are with us. As in "Hey, let's help Dad clean the yard." Or "Do you think Dad will like this gift?" It kind of seems right, but occasionally does feel a bit odd rolling off my tongue. He's not my dad. My daddy was Jimmy Lee, who died 19 years ago. But he is their dad, and just like my mom did with my own father, I call him Dad.

And he's a very good one.

The Preface to the Precipice

2010-06-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

According to dictionary.com, the word precipice has a couple of meanings.

1. a cliff with a vertical, nearly vertical, or overhanging face.

2. a situation of great peril: on the precipice of war.

This title seems fitting today. You see, I'm a woman on the verge. I'm about to take a big leap into the unknown. First, there's the job thing. You know, the whole "where am I gonna work blah blah blah" boring nonsense. I have no idea where I'm going to be on August 1st. I told Amos that, and he said "You'll be with me." Why of course, I will be with Amos. But job-wise, bringing home the bacon-wise, who knows. Which is rather scary but also more than a little bit exciting. Working in a new office, meeting new people, bringing my pictures and tchotchkes to my new cubicle- it's all very exciting and new. Yes, even those little mundane things will be exciting and new. I really do believe that. That new, somewhat same job will be different than this old one, even if it's similar. It's a whole new place where I can make a fresh start. Where no one knows the old Melinda. I can work hard and do a good job and impress everyone over there, at that new place. Wherever it may be.

Heck, even if I'm waitressing on August 1st, that's a little exciting too. I will be new, fresh-start Melinda, toting around a coffeepot.

But here's another precipice I find myself facing head on. I need to take more risks with my writing. I know that I can do this. I know that I need to do this. I've done it before, but with virtually no audience at all. I've had a thought niggling at me for awhile now. I have something I wrote and in a moment of bravery, posted on myspace a couple of years ago. I mean, who reads myspace blogs? Who would read MY myspace blog? Practically no one.

So in that moment, I wrote something very personal and hit send. I was very proud of that little something. But then I gradually stopped writing or even visiting my myspace page (as did most everyone I know). But I saved that little something and read it and re-read it every once in awhile and thought that maybe perhaps I could write. Maybe perhaps my life was not to be defined by what I once was.

That little something is the way I would like to write again. I enjoy the heck out of reading fashion and lifestyle blogs. I really do. And I even enjoy writing that sort of thing, a bit. But it doesn't satisfy me. I'm left hungry for something else.

So this is the preface. I've decided to post this nugget over here very soon, with almost no editing. Once I do, I'll be jumping off that cliff without a parachute.

This

2010-06-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

I've been writing documentary-style lately, which isn't really me. I have more in me than that. There's so much swirling around in me right now, weighing me down, making me cry, keeping me from much-needed sleep. Surely I can do more than write sentences like "I was laid off and now I'm scared."

There's been so much loss lately, from my job to the break-up of my step-son and his girlfriend to the trio of celebrity deaths in the news. I feel like I can barely breathe. I need a good laugh, a nap and some healthy, sustaining food.

I need to be filled up with good things and washed clean of the toxic energy surrounding me. I'm getting angry easily and I feel like a cranky, hungry child.

There's more to me than this.

I don't want to simply slide into another, similarly numbing job out of desperation. I don't want to, but it feels like it will happen. I'm so worried, so fearful of a future without the financial stability that we need that I see myself not taking advantage of the fresh start this could be.

The tears are my new boss these days. I'm weepy, angry, bitchy and apologetic for all of the above. I'm tired of feeling like I still owe these people something, more than I have in me to give right now.

Maybe it really does just come down to I was laid off and now I'm scared.

Motivation

2010-06-03T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love these shoes. I think I may have had the same ones when I was a teenager, though I'm not positive. Maybe they just belonged to a friend or a cousin and I secretly coveted them.

They are being sold by the vintage voice at etsy.

If they haven't sold by the time I get a new job, I'm buying them. Somehow, I think they will be gone by then, though. Maybe I can find another way to bribe myself. Maybe if they are still there by the time I get my first interview?

Just for the record, I'm already job hunting. I actually don't need the motivation of a pair of cute sandals. But it would be a seriously bitching treat to me for making this job thing happen.

Le sigh. I am in so much love with these shoes.

So this is what it feels like

2010-06-02T13:00:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was laid off. Today's blog is a bit scattered, and not nearly as articulate or as gracefully written as I would like. It's been a hard past 24 hours.

As I write that sentence, I'm letting it sink in again. I've never been laid off before. I've lost a couple of restaurant jobs when I was younger, but I've never been honest to goodness laid off from a real job. A job with benefits, like health insurance.

It's been just over 24 hours and I'm still feeling rather numb. I feel somewhat relieved in a way. It's time to start anew! No more waiting around to feel motivated to move onto something new. I also feel angry, sad, overwhelmed and scared. I'm mainly scared. A tiny bit of me is also excited for the future. This means the start of something new.

If I had my way, I'd spend my summer mowing lawns. But mowing lawns doesn't pay the bills and it certainly doesn't have the health insurance or days off that I've got with my boring office job.

I've got two months to find a replacement for my old, boring, frustrating office jockey position. Even if the replacement is another boring, frustrating office jockey position, at least it will be new. A new cubicle, new work-mates, and a fresh start for me. That sounds not altogether terrible, and a regular paycheck will be a good thing.

I'm unreasonably scared, though. I'm scared of getting behind on bills, of struggling financially. Amos and I have never been well off, and money has been tight as it is. This is just overwhelmingly frightening.

I find myself wondering what will we do if I can't find something by August 1st. How will I pay the bills? How will we go about our lives as they are now? What if we can't pay the mortgage? How can I even enjoy a night out, or plan for our road trip to South Carolina in July? How can I go about my day to day life, with this at the back of my mind?

I'm scared.

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” - Unknown

quote and image found at doozieUp.com, from a blog written when the author lost his own job last year.

The Kindness of Strangers

2010-05-26T09:28:00.001-07:00

I've had a hard time writing anything this last week or so. It's felt more like a chore recently, to be quite honest. I'd love to be one of those people that posts something every single day, but I just don't see that happening. At least once a week is the more realistic goal. I've been sort of wondering if there's anyone much out there reading my little ramblings.

But I feel a bit self-involved wondering that. I started this blog not for fame, glory or popularity amongst the cool blogger-set. No, I started writing it to get myself writing again, on a regular basis. It doesn't really matter if I'm just writing for myself or for a whole gaggle of admiring fans.

So here goes. Another scattered bloggity bog for me, for you, for anyone who stumbles across my little space and decides to give it a read. In no particular order, here's some random things going on recently.

1. Last weekend was super special. Why, you ask? Why, because I got to meet a couple of online blogger and flickr friends in person. Jessica, known as jekinthebox over on flickrland, and her husband are on a summer-long cross-country road trip. The a-go-gos (as they are also known) are blogging about the whole crazy adventure as they travel. You can visit them here to read all about it.

While they were here in Austin last weekend they stayed with the fantastic Erin of bothyellowanimals. Erin, the a-go-gos, myself, another flickr friend Dee, known as TexastoMexico and Dee's daughter Lauren all spent some time together on Saturday in downtown Austin. We wandered down South Congress street (known as SOCO around here), ate lunch at Chuy's on Barton Springs Rd, visited my brother and his wife at their new shop and looked for old-timey photobooths. Here's some of our fun:

As you can see, we are a silly crew. There's tons more photos on everyone's flickr pages, too. I should mention that all of these photos were taken by either Erin or Jek. I don't think they will mind that I use them in my little blog.

2. Monday I was given my yearly evaluation at work. I can honestly say that it was the best one I've ever received, at any job. Seriously. I'm amazed, happy, surprised and not just a little bit relieved. I've written before about my mid-life crisis in regards to work, and what little bit of a career that I have. My current job isn't one that makes my heart sing. It isn't my bliss. Some days it's downright difficult to make it through til 5pm.

But it is my job, and I take pride in doing the best job I can for as long as I'm here. Therefore, it makes me quite pleased to get such good feedback this time around. Thankyouverymuch.

3. I was able to spend a whole day with my husband this week, thanks to my supervisor. No work, no kids, no nothin but the two of us. We love to get days like this when we can. He works some odd schedules, and the days he usually gets off are either a weekday while I'm at the office or a day when we have the kids as well. Having the day together was a sweet surprise.

We spent our day eating breakfast tacos, messing around the house, mailing packages to friends, looking at wedding photos, making homemade salsa, napping, watching Law & Order re-runs, playing water volleyball with friends, eating dinner very late at night and falling back to sleep. In other words, it was a near-perfect day for us. We enjoy spending time together doing the mundane. I loved each and every moment of it.

4. More kindness from strangers. A nice lady on Freecycle offered up some Fiestaware she wanted to give away. I was the lucky one to receive this bounty! Since I was at work the day the lady wanted them gone, my mother kindly made the trip to East Central Austin and collected the booty. I let Mom have her choice first and then I took what was left. Here's my stack of the goodies:

My mom has collected Fiestaware for years. Since I first moved in with Amos, I was hoping to replace the boring brown plates in our home. Of course, thrifted, free or cheap is the best way to go, so I was thrilled to get so lucky as to find these!

And that's the end of today's scattered post. Hopefully, soon my scattered thoughts will file into some sort of organization. I've been letting stress get the better of me, which isn't good. I need to lasso that beast so I can stop grinding my teeth and get some sleep.

Adios, amigos.

What I learned last weekend

2010-05-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Some things I learned last weekend.

1. Just because the comforter that you received as a wedding gift a year ago has a tag that says DRY CLEAN ONLY, you don't have to believe it.

I decided our comforter needs to be cleaned of cat hair way too often to be spending the $30 a shot (and that's with a coupon). I just chucked it in the washer with cold water and VOILA it's good as new. Here's a photo of it outside, soaking up some sun.

The end result was a clean comforter, kissed by sunshine that smells good and is decidedly chemical-free.

2. My grandmother has always been insane.

While digging through the dusty old storage room my brother rents in New Braunfels, my mom found her wedding dress from 1966. My mother was a month away from her 21st birthday at the time of her wedding. From the looks of her dress, my mom wore the equivalent of what would be about a size 2 nowadays. Perhaps even a 0. Even back then, my grandmother hassled my teeny tiny mom, telling her she was too fat. What the everlovinghell is/was wrong with my grandmother? Seriously. I'm surprised my mother turned out as normal as she has.

3. I too was teeny tiny once upon a time.

My mom also found the 42 year old Joske's box which contained the baby clothes I wore home from the hospital. I can't believe I was ever so small.

4. I might just be okay with going gray.

I've been thinking of stopping the monthly home dye jobs on my hair. Going natural, whatever that may be. My mom stopped coloring her hair a few years ago, and look how great she looks! I love her soft, wavy, sorta longish hair. She's the one on the far left, I'm the redhead sort of in the middle of the group. The other fine looking people are some cousins.

Last night I also learned that I should let my husband make the pasta salad. In July, I hope to learn to knit when we take a road-trip to visit my in-laws.

I hope I never stop learning- good and bad.

Reverting back to my hippy roots

2010-05-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned, I'm attempting to live a simpler, more frugal lifestyle these days. We're in a constant state of home improvement, doing little bits and pieces here and there. Inching along slowly, as time and funding permits.

My parents had a permanent laundry line in our backyard when I was a kid and we hung our clothes up to dry outside. I've decided that I want to do the same thing.

So my next big project is installing a permanent laundry line in our own backyard. I'm hoping to dry most of our laundry this way, or at the very least the sheets, linens and towels. We've already made a preliminary trip to Lowe's for research. The biggest hurdle is digging the holes for the posts. Here in our area, we have very rocky soil, which should make hole-digging a challenge.

When I was a kid, my dad had a manual post hole digger which he used for installing fences on our property. I clearly remember the long weekends he spent working outside, digging those holes for the fence. I'm under no delusions that this will be an easy task. Quite the contrary, in fact. But the first thing we need to complete the task is a post hole digger. The manual kind, like my dad used. Anything else is too expensive for our budget. So I'm on the hunt.

My mom and I are planning to make another trip to my hometown of New Braunfels this weekend to search around our storage shed to see if perhaps that old digger is still there. We really can't recall with any certainty if Dad got rid of it or if it went into storage along with his other tools after his death.

So we've decided to poke around in the shed to see what we see. If we can't find one, Amos and I will just have to give Lowe's yet more of our money for a new one. They aren't terribly expensive, but we'd prefer to save money if we can.

I can't wait to get started! Every load of laundry I put in the money-sucking electric dryer, I think about my eventual laundry line.

All of these images are from my friend Jessica, aka jekinthebox. She takes the most fantastic, colorful, happy photos! Jek and her husband recently left on a cross country road trip and I'll be meeting her very soon when they stop off in Austin! Check out her blogs scrumdillydilly and Goin' with the a-go-gos to see more.

The swimming season plus a cool new website

2010-05-11T14:16:00.001-07:00

So today I was playing around online, trying to brainstorm and come up with something to write about today. I shut my eyes and saw nothing but a blank screen in front of me. No words, no pictures, nothing original or exciting to talk about.

Frankly, I was getting kind of bored of my outfit photos. I need to start taking them outside like those fashion bloggers do, but I take my own pictures first thing in the morning so I'm at a bit of a loss as to how I should accomplish such a thing. It's dark-ish when I leave in the morning and I'm not quite sure where I would perch my little cheapie camera anyway. I hate taking photos after work- I just look disheveled, tired and I usually have some sort of food stain on me. Not a good look.

I decided to write a little something about how it is now officially hot here in Texas and definitely swimming season. The highs have been reaching the 90s recently and nothing feels better on a hot day than jumping in the pool. Every summer Amos and I play water volleyball with a group of his buddies. We get together on Tuesday nights after work at the apartment complex of Julie, the one and only other regular volleyballer that is a female (besides me).

It's quite a lot of fun- good exercise, camraderie and some excellent trash talking, too. I can hardly believe that this summer is my fourth. I joined in right after Amos and I began dating and now here we are, four years later, all married up and settled down. Still playing volleyball. I think this is his seventh summer to play.

While looking around for images to accompany my little blog about the swimming season, I found this:

Isn't that the most fantastic photo? I found it at a website called Postcards Worldwide in which a Londoner named Sandra posts the cards she's received through Postcrossing.com

So of course I had to go check out postcrossing. Basically, you register, create a profile and sign up to send out postcards to some random strangers from all over the world. Once you've sent some, you start receiving some as well. Once these folks receive your cards, they register them on the site. I'm not explaining it very well but believe me it's a cool project. No secrets necessary. Just cool postcards, short little notes to complete strangers. Personally, I adore getting real mail- letters, cards, packages. I miss snail mail. Check out the site if you love that stuff as much as I do.

And of course I had to sign up! I now have a list of five people I'll be sending cards to- in Germany, the Republic of Minsk, Iran, Vermont USA and Portugal. It's not a dating site, I promise. I will be sure to scan some of the cards I receive. I love that stuff- writing, letters, old photographs.

I doubt I will have any photos from water volleyball, since I didn't bring a camera today. But I will be sure to enjoy that cool water. Just like the elephant.

International No Diet Day-belated and some links

2010-05-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was International No Diet Day.

I had a draft of a whole blog written out yesterday to talk about this in more depth but I had a hard time saying what I needed to say with as much intelligence and grace as it deserves.

I mentioned Sarah Silverman and her recent remarks saying fat jokes are offensive. I mean, duh. Of course they are. Unfortunately, her comment wasn't totally without its own problems, since she seems to think that the problem doesn't exist except for women in white America. Tasha Fierce of Red Vinyl Shoes explains here why this is wrong.

And that's all that I really want to say about the No Diet thing today. I read a lot of body acceptance, Health At Every Size, Feminism and Fatshion blogs. But I don't really do a lot of blogging about that stuff, except how it affects me and my daily life. And it does affect me. I honestly don't think I can do a better job than Tasha Fierce or Kate Harding or some other really intelligent bloggers do daily. I'm still a newbie to this whole blogging thing. I'm still coming into my own in finding my own voice and speaking up for myself and what I believe in.

If you're curious to read more about it, you could start over at Fatshionista, in which Lesley Kinzel writes about a lot more than just fatshion. She also includes a pretty comprehensive blog roll that you can click through as well.

I've had a hard time gathering my thoughts the last few days, which is why my own blogging has been rather sparse. I've got a lot going on and I'm trying to make some big changes in my own life. I'll get it together, even if no one at all is reading this and it's for my own selfish sake that I write about this stuff.

There's a very good chance I may write some more today, since it's currently 9am in the morning and I have a very long day ahead of me in an office with a co-worker who isn't speaking. But if I don't, have yourself a most excellent weekend.

Strapless- An act of bravery

2010-05-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've always been leery of wearing strapless dresses. They make me nervous. I imagine the top slowly inching down, or just suddenly flopping down to my waist, exposing me for all the world to see. And strapless bras- don't get me started. I hate hate hate bras with underwire, and the strapless ones are the worst. It always feels like your boobs are just sort of perched there, up in the air. I find the experience utterly uncomfortable.

And anyone who knows me knows that comfort is high on my list of priorites.

Strapless dresses seem to be extremely popular lately. What am I talking about? They are everywhere- no "seem to be" about it. I found myself quietly drawn to one in particular at Target. I wondered if I could wear it safely, without flashing the world and with as little discomfort as possible. I'm not much of a fan of strapless wedding or formal dresses. The one I was crushing on was a simpler, more casual maxi style. It's got a vintage 70s vibe and actually looked....comfortable.

In addition to the flashing/comfort issue, going strapless can cause even more issues for a curvy girl like me. Yesterday I googled the topic- fat girls wearing strapless. Guess what I learned? It came as no surprise to me to discover that fat girls aren't supposed to wear strapless, according to the fashion experts. You see, it isn't flattering. There's the issue of back fat, and flabby arms. We're supposed to keep all of that under wraps. In nearly every article I read, advice was dispensed on how to get in shape to wear strapless.

Going strapless is a bold move if you're not skinny and don't have the upper arms of Angela Bassett. Strapless is a sexy look, to be sure, and apparently only skinny girls can be sexy. Well I say screw that.

So when I received a $100 gift card for my birthday, I marched myself into Target and headed straight over to the object of my affection. And voila!

I've gotten nothing but positive feedback both times that I've worn this beauty. The dress is from Target, size 1 in the plus section. The cardi is an old one from several years ago, also Target. Originally it was white, then turned a dingy shade of off-white, and then I dyed it yellow all by myself a few weeks ago. I'm wearing some fancy navy flip flops from Old Navy that I got for about $2.50.

For non-skinny types like me, fashion itself can be an act of bravery. Wearing something we're told we aren't supposed to wear- horizontal stripes, two piece bathing suits, body hugging dresses, sleeveless dresses, and of course the strapless dress- is an act of defiance. A fuck you to those that say we should be hiding our big bodies in a muumuu.

Monday night I wore this outfit to my brother's birthday dinner. I said to my husband "Grandmother will be there. Do you think this dress is okay?" He said he didn't care what she thought and I shouldn't either. My grandmother, for those that don't know, is quite judgey of bodies like mine. I generally don't like to go out to eat with her at all, no matter what I'm wearing. She also (not quietly) judges the food I order.

I wore the dress, and next time I'm thinking of wearing a strappy body-con number with horizontal stripes.

Happy Birthday, Baby Brother

2010-05-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

My baby brother Mike turns 39 today. This photo is from a trip to Galveston when he was probably around 5 or 6 years old and I was 8 or 9, which would be somewhere in the late 70's. Notice we are both wearing YMCA tshirts from Conroe, Texas. I am sporting some seriously short shorts.

Happy Birthday, Mike!

Finding Uncle Joe and May Day Fun

2010-05-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Much to my surprise, my little family and I ended up doing everything I had sort of half-ass planned for Saturday. It was an exhausting but totally fun day with (relatively) few meltdowns. First off, Amos and I left the boys at home and hit up the Farmer's Market again. So far we've only missed one week of it since we got our very own Farmer's Market here in Cedar Park.

It seems I don't have any pictures of the FM fun, but believe me we always enjoy ourselves out there. Now that the weather is nice, I throw on some cute sleeveless sundress and show off my tats for all the soccer moms. I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that there are a few other folks like us, and not every single person in the entire confines of Cedar Park dresses like they just came from The Gap. I don't have a problem with The Gap personally. A few preppy type things are kinda nice in moderation. I just try to avoid looking like a Mom Clone. Maybe I am a Mom Clone, but of the tattooed and non-Gap variety.

Anyhoo, we had a nice time picking out yummy things and spending some time together just the two of us. Amos found some really tasty baba ganoush while my favorite purchase was some Polish zuchinni pickles. YUM.

Around noon we herded up the kids and drove to the North Lamar Parking Center. Amos was a little nervous about leaving the car down there in a kind of sketchy area, but I had faith it would be fine. We caught the #1 bus, which is the main cross-town bus in Austin. This was an adventure in itself for the kids, though I take the bus to work every day during the week. We made the trip downtown and got off across the street from The Texas State Capitol building. The first thing we saw was a Cannabis Legalization rally. We made our way through that crowd and headed inside the gorgeous building. It costs nothing to wander around the capitol during visiting hours. The reason for our trip was to find the portrait of Joseph D. Sayers, the 22nd governor of the state of Texas. I recently learned that he is my great, great, great Uncle! I get all geeked out at that kind of stuff.

We found his portrait really quickly and took loads of pictures. Here's some of the best ones.

That's me posing with Uncle Joe.

That's a shot of the dome.

The capitol building is really beautiful. On the weekends people eat picnics on the grounds and you can always find brides and grooms getting photographed both inside and outside. I caught this picture of a bride running through the bottom floor.

We spent a good while in the capitol and the kids seemed to enjoy it too, which was another pleasant surprise. We'd like to plan another trip with them again soon. It's a cheap (free), cool way to spend a hot afternoon. Next time maybe we will bring a picnic and spread out in the grass of the grounds.

Next we walked down about five blocks and went to the Pecan Street Festival. This festival comes to Austin twice a year, once in the fall and once in the spring. It's free admission, too. Booyah! Basically, there's lots of people, babies and dogs walking around checking out the art and food vendors, live music, and various Austin randomness. Check out the busking:

Austin random human artwork:

Me and Amos having fun:
The four of us managed to eat a combination of blooming onion (Max), cheeseburger (Noah) and a chicken/artichoke pita gyro thing (me and Amos). We also shared a couple of huge Cherry Limeades. I ended up sunburned and all four of us were exhausted and ready to head back home within a couple of hours.

We jumped on the northbound #1 bus and took the ride back up north to find our car safe and sound, just as I suspected it would be. We stopped at the store to get some food for grilling and then finally made our way home around 6pm. Amos grilled up some beef hotdogs, chicken fajita meat and some chicken poblano sausages. I also made salad and guacamole. I thought about taking a food photo around the time we finished dinner. Believe me when I say it was good stuff.

Overall, May Day was a success for our little family. Almost no drama and lots of good cheap food and fun. Good stuff indeed.

Adventures of a Tightwad

2010-04-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a come to Jesus meeting with me, myself and I and decided that I've got a new descriptor for myself. Tightwad. Out of necessity. And by choice. No one is forcing this hand.

Things are tight these days for the mister and I (as they seem to be for most folks we know), so it's time to buckle down, count our pennies, and find creative ways to save. I'm going to march in the direction of repurposing, recylcing, reusing and being utterly thrifty with a more determined stride. It's smart and it's ethical, too.

My brother and I grew up with sort of hippy parents back in the 70s. Our clothes came from garage sales, thrifts, or were made by mom. We had a garden. My parents had a subscription to Mother Earth News and really tried to live that lifestyle.

So I've decided that I need to live more purposefully. More frugally. Truthfully, Amos and I do try to be thrifty. We shop at second-hand stores and limit the number of gifts the kids get during the holidays. We had a very, very thrifty do-it-yourself wedding last year that was more family bbq than Fancy Shindig.

My non-princess wishlists will now become Things I hope I can find at the thriftstore. I'm hoping to pick up a copy of The Complete Tightwad Gazette which will begin anew my education in the ways of the thrifty.

It shouldn't be so hard for me. I don't have sophisticated tastes, and my personal style leans toward the boho, hippy mama look.

I won't buy used undies, though.

Tomorrow Amos and I will be having a family day- he's off work and the kiddos are with us this weekend. I've got some plans for good, cheap fun. First, we will likely hit the Farmer's Market in the morning. That can be expensive if you go crazy, though we usually limit our purchases to the $20 range. I don't know who this guy is, but the picture is from the LA Farmer's Market and he makes me giggle.

After that, we're thinking of catching the city bus and heading down to the Pecan Street Festival, which comes to Austin once every fall and again every spring. It's free admittance, though there's tons of food, beer, drinks and art to be purchased. They also have live music all day long.

We would just drive, but parking is really horrible downtown for the festival. I think I've learned my lesson after driving around for 45 minutes to find a spot a couple miles away last year.

While we are downtown, we can walk the couple of blocks from the festival over to the Texas State Capitol building.

Again, it's free admittance! I've been a bunch of times before but I have a special reason for wanting to visit again. Recently I found out that the 22nd Governor of Texas, Joseph Sayers, was my great, great, great Uncle! He was a Democrat, naturally. I'd like to find his portrait and take a picture. Here's a picture of him I found online:

How dapper was he? Look at the hat. And the moustache!

And lastly, I would love to grill out tomorrow night when we get back home. Something cheap, maybe burgers and hot dogs for the kids.

I'd love to actually have a bbq and invite some friends and family over, but I don't think that's happening tomorrow.

Feel free to call me cheap, thrifty or even a tightwad. I will answer to any of the above gladly. Just don't forget to call me if you find the perfect vintage brown sandals, size 7 1/2 or 8.

(Yet Another) Summer Wishlist for the self-proclaimed non-princess

2010-04-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

Spring will be gone before you know it here in Texas, and Summer will be here to stay for the next oh, six months or so. Which means it's time for cute little sun dresses, sandals and swimsuits.

Oh yeah. I said it. Swimsuits.

Last summer I went and bought an expensive one in bright pink from Land's End. I love LE for swimsuits, even though they are expensive. They have lots to choose from in tons of colors and most importantly, a large range of sizes. I like my LE suit from last summer alright, and I LOVE the color, but I've got an urge for a different style this year. The tank part of my two piece suit kept inching up and I found myself yanking at it constantly. This can be a real pain while playing water volleyball with a pool full of dudes, which is something I do on Tuesday nights from May through September or so.

It's virtually impossible to find a well-made, attractive swimsuit in my size at Target or WalMart, which is closer to my usual price range. Oh, I can find sun dresses out the wazoo at either of those stores. But no such luck with swimsuits. They seem to have nothing but teeny tiny bikinis in stock. And the larger, one piece styles that they do have? UGLY. With a capital UG. A big pet peeve of mine is the colors that are available for most larger sized swimsuits (no matter where you shop). For some reason, the designers think that if you're bigger than a size 12, you only want to swim in navy, black or a poopy colored brown.

Well, I say bullshit to that. Here's the suit that I've got my eye on right now. It IS from Target, but is only available online. It would be virtually perfect if it was red with white polka dots instead of just plain red, but beggers can't be choosers (especially where plus-sized swimsuits are concerned, apparently). So here it is:

Some things I like about the suit: the straps. They seem substantial and they don't tie around the neck. Neck-straps are cute, but I find them super uncomfortable. And I keep yanking at my swimsuit top. If you tie them too loosely, your boobies tend to want to fall out (in my experience). I always make the knot way too tight and end up with a huge red mark on my neck. No good. Another bonus is the retro styling, which goes without saying. And lastly, I like the way the thigh area looks.

Overall, this suit looks like it could be a win. It's also on sale right now, so I may be giving this one a try very soon.

And sandals. I'm on a sandal hunt this year. I'm wanting sandals the way I want an ice cold margarita on a Friday afternoon. Yes, that much. Here's what I'm wanting. Something with a little bit of a wedge, but not too much. I'm really not much for those 3-4" shoes. I tend to teeter-totter on those and look pretty silly. But I also don't need or want anymore super flat sandals. I've got plenty of those.

I'm also wanting something that looks (or is) vintage. I especially need something in brown. Now, I'm under no delusion that I will find all of my perfect elements wrapped up in one perfect shoe that just so happens to fit me and be the right price. Here's two pairs of sandals that I found on etsy and are currently residing on my favorites list. The first is from seller galanight. I had some shoes like these when I was in 6th grade, around 1980. Mine were a wine color but otherwise looked very similar to these. The brand is yo yos.

I tend to seek out styles and brands of clothing I wore when I was young. Am I trying to recapture my youth? I dunno.

Okay and here's another pair that I like. The seller is prettypiratedesigns. Unfortunately, this pair seems to be a bit too large for my dainty tootsies. Otherwise, I'd be all over these. They're the color I seek and though not a heel persay, they aren't super flat. They look comfy and most definitely vintage.

And these things are only a few of the things on my wishlist. If my wishlist was all checked off, I'd never have anything to look for. Life would be complete. I prefer it this way- looking for my next favorite thing.

I notice that I've been writing mainly about clothes and fatshion type things lately. I want to move between this sort of thing and more fiction and my life type blogs. I've got a few things on the backburner- blogs from several years ago that I'd like to clean up, edit a bit and then share. One in particular is very personal and may be too....intense? Definitely a change from pretty clothes. I've been hesitant to share but perhaps I will soon.

I've purposely kept this blog a bit of a secret- not from my friends or the general world at large, but from some members of my family. There's just some things I don't feel like getting into with them, if that makes sense. But I so appreciate my friends from flickr especially who have been supportive and encouraging! Thanks so much!

The Orange Princess

2010-04-27T11:23:00.001-07:00

I'm not much of a princess kinda girl. I'm not overly fond of the Disney sort of princess that little girls seem to gravitate towards. But I do like certain pretty things- I'm completely captivated by dresses, shoes and pedicures. But I have my priorities in order, I know that groceries come before new sandals and I'm very thrifty in my hunt for the pretty.

I may be no princess, but I enjoy compliments as much as anyone. I love it when my husband calls me "beautiful," a pet name of his for me. I pick my outfits for me, not to impress an audience. If it pleases my (sometimes unique) sense of style, then I'm happy.

Saturday I thrifted this beauty of a frock and wasted no time at all in taking it for a spin. Without a moment's hesitation, I picked it out to wear Monday morning. In my opinion, Monday mornings deserve something special to kick start the week on a good note. If I feel pretty, I generally have a good day. The sweetness on a hanger I'm describing has a lot going for it: a happy print, colors reminiscent of a fresh bowl of fruit, comfort and a great breathable cotton. The fabric of our lives, of course.

And here it is. I named it "The Orange Mess."

Before I go any further, I'll give the outfit details.

Dress: Thrifted from GoodWill, size XL
Tank: WalMart last summer
Cardi: Thrifted, Old Navy Brand, size Medium (it's a little snug on me)
Sandals: Target 2009

I may need to rethink the name, and here's why. Last night I ran a few errands after work and found myself in Planet Replay, selling some old dvds. A lady and her teeny tiny daughter came in the store. This little girl, maybe three years old (or even two) pointed at me and said "Look at the princess!"

The mom and I shared a giggle over it, I thanked the wee one and told her I liked her hair.

I'm no princess, to be sure. But this touched me, and for more than just the obvious reasons. Here's why. This is no diet blog, as I've made perfectly clear. I've alluded to my body issues before, my struggle to find balance and love myself as I am now. After many years as a fat girl, and then a few as a skinny one too, I find myself currently residing in inbetweenie land. I'll always feel more like a fattie than a skinny, though. I read fatshion blogs. I could go on and on about this but I'd rather just share something that the little girl made me remember.

Many years ago, when I was fatter (and younger) than I am now, I worked in a clothing store called Dress Barn. One day two little girls were playing while their mom tried on clothes. Skinny clothes. I was wandering around, working, when one of the girls pointed at me and the two of them laughed and called me fat. The mother didn't hear, and I didn't say anything. I just absorbed it, soaked it up and realized that those kids spoke the truth. I did glare at them a bit, though.

So what struck me about the girl who said I was a princess was that she just saw a pretty dress. Or a pretty girl in a pretty dress. Who cares what my size is? Now, to be honest, I'm not nearly as big now as I was on that day around 15 years ago at Dress Barn. But I am big. And kids see that, and can be brutally honest about such things. She didn't say "Look at the fat princess!"

I don't think I'd mind so much if she did. Seriously.

So this dress is now The Orange Princess, in honor of that sweet little thing.

Worldwide Pants

2010-04-21T08:24:00.001-07:00

I promised to share some outfit photos of my new Target gift card clothes, so here ya go. One of my basic must haves for summer are comfy capri pants. One of my basic must haves for all the damn time are black pants. Oddly enough, I realized that I had ZERO pairs of black pants in my closet. The last pair I had sadly became a little small last year. During my shopping spree at Target on Saturday, I managed to pick up two pairs of capris, one in a lightweight denim fabric, and the other in a black linen with a drawstring waistband. Both pairs were on sale for $15, but free of course to me with my gift card.

OOTD from Monday, April 19th:

Blue IZOD Grampa Sweater: Recently Thrifted at GoodWill
Black T: Gap Outlet Store in San Marcos, Texas
The Pants: Target, with my birthday gift card
Sandals: Target, 2009
Blue Flower Pin: Gifted from my friend Erin, vintage
Yellow Bag: Vintage, gifted

I've been getting tons of compliments whenever I wear this bright blue color. Maybe I'll look for a dress or a pretty top in this shade of blue, too. I am in love with this yellow bag. I'm now the proud owner of TWO yellow bags, but really, a girl can never have too many, in my opinion.

OOTD Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Red Cardi: I thrifted this from GoodWill at the same time as the blue IZOD sweater.
Animal Print Cotton Top: Thrifted last summer.
White Tank: Same old tank top from WalMart.
Black linen capri pants: Target with my gift card.
Sandals: Target, also with my gift card.

I can not tell you how much positive feedback I got on this outfit today! I've been wanting some pants like this for quite awhile and I stumbled across them at Target a couple of weeks ago. I waited to buy them, hoping for some birthday money. I almost waited too long, since the sizes had been thoroughly picked through on Saturday. In fact, the website shows that these pants are now completely out of stock! I bought these in an XXL but I'm pretty sure I could have worn the XL's. I'm happy with these, though. I don't mind a flowy linen pant for summer.

Now, a lot of people don't like the wrinklyness of linen. Me, I think it just adds to its character. I'm wearing linen! Yes, I will iron them before wearing them, but once I've got the pants on, the wrinkles can have a little wrinkle party. Have at it, I say.

They had these pants in a few more colors and I'm kind of wishing I had picked up the khaki ones too. I don't really understand white linen- you can see right through it! But people love that stuff.

I'm still working up the courage to wear my new strapless maxi dress that I also bought on the trip to Target. I'm kinda thinking I want to save it for a special date night with Amos. Do you do that- save new clothes for a special night out? It's silly, really. If you like something, you should just wear it! But this dress seems really special to me, so I'm saving it to wear with Amos instead of just to work (for the first time, anyway). Plus, it will mark a YES I DID IT moment, since, ya know.... it's STRAPLESS. I'm still trying to figure out the bra situation with that one.

I'll post pictures when I do wear it, but only if it's a success and I don't lose my top.

Job History- Summer of 1987 (and some fatshion)

2010-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw a picture of a girl somewhere online wearing some old Bass sandals and immediately I decided I had to get me some. I have a history with Bass shoes so I recognized those old lady sandals right away.

You see, when I was around 19 or 20 years old I worked at the Bass Outlet Store in New Braunfels, Texas during my summers at home. I was in college at the time and spent my summers living with my folks. I would work all summer, often two jobs at a time and lived rent free with my parents. One summer in particular I remember well. I was 19 and had just finished my first year at Southwestern University. This was around 1987. My brother was 16 and still in high school. That summer I worked days at the Bass store and nights at Mr. Gatti's, delivering pizzas.

I saved up as much money as I could all summer long to contribute to my college funds. But I still managed to buy shoes. I had these:

I wore them constantly the next year at school. I wish I still had them but I know for a fact that I wore those shoes until they died. At least they were well loved. We called those shoes "Bucks," though on the website they call them the Enfield shoe now. My best friend Lorri had a pair of plain tan Bucks, without the leather insert. I also had a plain pair of grey ones and a pair of black penny loafers that I got with my employee discount. I chose the black penny loafers (officially named "Weejuns") because those were the ones worn by John Cougar Mellencamp in his videos, natch.

So back to the old lady sandals I mentioned at the beginning of the post. I've decided I want some. Now, we sold these in the store when I worked there, but I thought they were the old lady shoes. And they were, I guess. But lately I'm totally into the old hippy sandals from the 70s and 80s. The kind of old-fashioned ones. I did a bit of research yesterday, and these shoes are still around! So very soon I'll be buying some of these lovelies for myself:

Or maybe these:

I like both styles. They come in a ton of colors on the website- white, tan, this cinnamon color, black and I even saw some in pewter! I'm leaning towards this rich brown color they call cinnamon, though. I have tons of black, I'm not a huge fan of white shoes, and I think the brown ones would go with everything.

To tell you the truth, I wish I had had these sandals today to wear with my newly dyed-by me yellow hippy skirt:

Here's the details:

Men's Shirt: Belongs to Amos, Ralph Lauren Thrifted
Tank: WalMart
Skirt: Old Navy from several years ago, dyed yellow by me
Shoes: Target from a couple of years ago

This past weekend I finally dyed a couple of clothing items that had turned into a dingy shade of off white. I now have this yummy yellow skirt and a buttery yellow short sleeved cardi. Success! An interesting tidbit about this skirt is it's a size 6. Crazy, I know. I actually was about a size 6 or maybe an 8 when I bought it. It has this drawstring waist that allows me to still wear it now. I just wiggle it up to wear it's comfy and VOILA! Still wearable, even over these hips.

But how cute would this outfit look with some of those old sandals? Again, I return to my past for fashion inspiration.

Life is sweet

2010-04-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

Thursday after my very bad day, I checked the mail and received the sweetest birthday card from my husband's parents. They live in South Carolina and we don't get to see them very often. The message in the card made me wonder if my mother-in-law has secret mind-reading powers. The front of the card said this:

A Wish for Time on your Birthday

but the inside is where it got really good. Here's the message:

Time to enjoy friends and family,
to kick back, and put up your feet...
Time to forget your "to do" list,
relax and just feel life is sweet.

Time to let others indulge you,
treating you right- like a star.
Time to feel beautiful, special and loved.
Because there's no doubt that you are!

Ok, so maybe it's a little cheesy. But cheese is good, in moderation. And this card just seemed especially telling at the moment. It was sort of slapping me in the face and saying "Snap out of it!" Enjoy each moment and don't let yourself get so stressed out. The sentiment was duly noted.

Also included inside the card was a sweet necklace that my mother-in-law Miriam picked up for me at a local artist's market and...

a $100 Target gift card! I know! I don't remember the last time I've had an extra $100 to spend on myself at Target. So today my youngest step-son Noah and I headed out to do some birthday gift-card shopping. He and I share the same birthday, and he had a card from WalMart and another from a baseball card shop. While we were out, we stopped at the post office and stumbled across a lovely small field of bluebonnets. Luckily, for once I had my camera and took this picture of Noah:

And here's my Target booty:

White cable cardigan This was actually on my NEED list. I live in little cardigans over sweet dresses this time of year.

Strapless maxi dress I had my eye on this one on the website and I really hope I can pull this off. I have always been nervous about wearing strapless. What if it decides to creep down? I suppose I should have also bought a new strapless bra today too.

Black wedge sandals I've been on the look-out for some sandals with a little wedge. These are a little trendier than I normally wear, but I actually think Amos will love them. He likes this style a lot.

Black linen capri pants These were also on my NEED list. I found them at Target just a week or so ago and they were already almost completely sold out today! I'm so happy they still had them in my size, since the website indicated they were completely out of stock!

Dark, lightweight denim pants These were on sale and are super cute. I love these kind of pants for summer.

I can't wait to wear my new clothes! I will definitely take some outfit photos and share them when I do. The strapless dress especially is a "I dare myself to wear it" item. I've seen so many girls of all shapes and sizes rocking this look. The adorable Bloomie over at 30 Dresses in 30 Days really inspired me to give it a shot.

Hey, if I can rock this outfit, who knows what I can do? Now I'm off to go give myself the gift of time. Time to relax.

Tricked by the droids

2010-04-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't like the idea of being thought of as a whiner.

*click on that picture for a good little chuckle. I'm sure you can use one.*

But I know I am at times. Actually, I am a lot of the time these days where my job is concerned. I had an exceptionally craptastic day at work today.

On days like these, I find myself questioning my purpose again. Exactly why am I doing this? Shouldn't I find something better suited for me? I probably should. When I have days like this, learning to sew or knit on my weekends or pouring all of my energy into finding my bliss outside of work doesn't seem like enough to make me happy. Even writing this little blog isn't enough to make up for the truly horrible days at work. Just because I can leave the office behind at the end of the day doesn't make the shitty stuff any better.

I'm unhappy and that's the truth. Maybe I need to get a job mowing lawns. No more office politics, just me outside in the sunshine mowing lawns every day.

I just found this on etsy, from seller letterhappy
This is what I need to remember. I think I need this just about perfect thought hanging in my house.

What I do for fun on a Wednesday night

2010-04-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

The skies threatened rain but I was persistent. Here's our new lawnmower, taking a break from the action.

And here, I'm so close to being done!

My sneaks, covered in grass. They actually looked worse than this by the time I finished.

The night would have been perfect if I'd only had a nice cold Lone Star afterwards. Now I'm ready to plan a BBQ!

The magic dress

2010-04-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a litte fatshion outfit post. This dress deserves it.

The dress was gifted to me by my friend Emily. She purchased it for herself and then never wore it. Knowing my love for these sweet Mexican dresses, she sent it to me! It magically appeared in my mailbox on the day after my birthday. I've already worn it twice (once to lunch with my mom and grandmother on Sunday) and once today. Both times, I've received loads of compliments and sweet words from friends, family and work-mates.

The scarf was attached to a birthday gift I received from Erin on Saturday. You may remember that I talked about not liking belts so much awhile back. I was thinking of wearing scarves instead from now on. So, voila! A pretty pink scarf worn with my new purple dress! I wore the dress scarf-less on Sunday and it was so comfy and cute that way too.

I'm also wearing Target sandals I bought last summer, and they are the only thing not gifted me that I'm wearing in this photo. The necklace is my birthday gift from Mike and Stacey, and is from Etsy seller ragtrader. And finally, the earrings are from Stacey's shop Blackbird Austin and were also gifted to me by the fantastic Erin.

I love dresses, especially this time of year. They are so easy to just throw on with a few accessories. Easy peasy, no thinking or planning. I've always loved skirts but they tend to cut me in half right at the thickest part of my body. I carry my weight in the gut, and skirts just seem to accentuate it. If I do wear skirts, they need to not have some horrid zipper, either. A drawstring or elastic waist is fine by me. If you wear zippered skirts, then they are utterly unforgiving if you gain (or lose) a pound. And most importantly, you have to think about what to wear with a skirt and plan out some cute, witty outfit. A dress is so much easier for lazy people like me.

Dresses are especially easy when someone picks it out for you and just sends it to you in the mail.

God bless the grass

2010-04-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

God Bless the grass
That grows through the crack
They roll the concrete over it
To try and keep it back
The concrete gets tired
Of what it has to do
It breaks and it buckles
And the grass grows through.
God bless the grass
- Malvina Reynolds (1900-1978)
From her song God Bless the Grass

Sitting quietly, doing nothing,
Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.
- The Gospel According To Zen

I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the
journey-work of the stars.
- Walt Whitman

Yes, God bless the grass. But now the grass has grown as high as my knees and it's time to use the new lawnmower. I mowed half the yard last night and it was everything I thought it would be. The weather was perfect, and I even felt a slight breeze now and then. Two of our cats sat and watched me out the back window the entire time and Kooshi (who loves to be outside) licked my arm for the taste of the grass when I was done.

My body aches today. As I was mowing, it seemed that I could actually feel some of the stress of the work day leaving my body (and my head). I think I may have had a silly grin on my face as I worked! Exercise really is a great stress-reliever, and working in the yard is even better (in my humble opinion).

I plan to finish the job tonight. Amos gets the weed whacking chores. I could hear some neighbors mowing their own yards, too. I should have taken pictures of my yard (and me mowing), but I will definitely take some tonight. Absolutely. I promise.

Stuff I luff

2010-04-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm really bummed that this sold the day after I favorited it on etsy:

How fabulous is that? I have some small embroidered pictures at home, made by my great-grandmother. I need to hang them up and share some photos.

And also, right now I'm totally in love with Catherine Keener.

A lot of people blog about their style icon, but I'm not really sure that she's mine. I just think she's really cool. I love her long, wavy hair (even though I've seen it described as stringy by other folks). And how cute does she look in this scene from 40 Year old Virgin?

She was just adorable in her jeans in that movie. I told Amos that I was going to let my hair grow out and be the chubby Catherine Keener. He didn't seem to mind.

I also love Fiesta Ware. My mom collects this stuff, and I'm not planning on stealing hers, so I think I'm going to have to start collecting it all on my own. It's not hugely expensive, is easy to find and is so so pretty.

Oh and one last thing. Blue Moon beer. I discovered its tastyness accidentally on a trip to Opal Divine's. They no longer had my usual beer so I ordered this one instead. They serve it with a slice of orange and it's so yummy! Perfect for summer. I had two the other night for my birthday.

And that's my favorite stuff right now.

Birthday Weekend Re-cap

2010-04-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

So, Friday was my birthday. Here's some pictures and some re-cap action, too.

Friday morning I made tacos for my youngest step-son, who shares my birthday. After Amos took the kiddos to school, we headed to Lowe's to buy a lawnmower! I was really lucky in that he ended up with the day off, too.

I love all the colorful tools here in this next photo:

I also got a massage, but no pictures of that, natch. Then we went off to lunch and I got my free Birthday Mexican Martini at Trudy's. Afterwards, full of Mexican food and my martini, we headed over to Joanne's Fabrics and I spent my birthday money from my grandmother. Friday night we went to the North location of Opal Divine's for a birthday dinner with the birthday kiddo, my mom, brother Mike, his wife Stacey and my friends Lisa and Juan. Here's a picture of me and Lisa with the flowers she gave me:

and here's what I wore to the birthday dinner:

I thrifted the dress at GoodWill a couple of months ago and was saving it for warm weather. I'm all about the yellow these days. The shoes are Nine West and are also thrifted. They are just about perfect, as they have the wedge heel I love so much, and aren't too high.

Saturday Amos and I went to the Cedar Park Farmer's Market for some more goodies before I met up with Erin from bothyellowanimals for a girly date. We ate a lovely brunch at Hyde Park Grill and then went to North Loop for a sidewalk sale. Stacey (my brother's wife) and her friend Juliana are opening their boutique Blackbird Austin soon and decided to do a little soft opening for the sidewalk sale that day. Here's a picture of the mascot that Mike's friend Bud built:

We then went to Savers for some thrifting and I found lots of good stuff, including king-size vintage linens! We capped off our day with some cold drinks from Sonic. Erin is just about the sweetest girl ever. I counted up and she gave me a a grand total of like five gifts, including an upcycled skirt from my etsy favorites list and the yellow bag seen here:

She also gave me a scarf and a metal flower pin and a pair of owl earrings from Blackbird Austin! I need to take some more pictures of all my fabulous gifts.

Sunday morning I headed over to my mom's place and we took a walk around her neighborhood for a little exercise. We enjoyed our little walk despite the gloomy, foggy mistyness of the morning. Afterwards I cleaned up and changed clothes at Mom's and we made our way to pick up my grandmother for brunch. We decided to go to Hyde Park Grill, which made twice in two days for me. It's just that good, though. At least I ate something different on Sunday.

I finally made my way back home by late afternoon and boiled the shrimp we'd picked up at the Farmer's Market Saturday. I messed around with my hand-me down sewing machine for awhile and before I knew it my sweet husband was home and the weekend was almost over.

I had a nice birthday and a lovely weekend, though it was over way too soon. I still don't take enough pictures. I'm working on it.

Addendum to today's earlier post, or the scary red tank top

2010-04-10T18:27:00.001-07:00

The more I think about it, the more I believe that I felt particularly unattractive today due to the top I was wearing. It just wasn't very flattering. I'd love to be healthier than I am now, but if I do it while basically staying the same size, I could live with it.

I just need to be wary of red tank tops (unless they are worn as a layering piece).

On the positive side, after the day I had, I ate a very healthy dinner and went to the gym. I felt good. I felt like I cared about myself again. I felt like the old me who thought about what she put in her body.

So that's it. I don't know what it is, exactly. I want to be less obsessed with this, and I don't want a scary picture of me in a red tank top to ruin my whole day.

Melinda and the very fat, very old, very ugly day

2010-04-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

It is a fact of life that we all have these days.

Today is mine. I made an unfortunate clothing choice and there's now photographic proof. Tank tops, why do you treat me so?

I have so much to say about this, but it's hard to wrap my brain around it in an articulate way at the moment. My weight has gone up and down over the years and recently it's gone up. I'm trying to find a way to be okay with it and just accept that this is who I am.

I want to really be able to embrace myself as I am, and to see myself for the lovely being that others proclaim me to be. I'm trying not to see myself as a fat, lazy slob. I'm trying to forgive myself for the unfortunate red tank top I chose today. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that I got myself skinny once and then gained practically every bit of it back.

This is hard.

When I lost the weight before, I was depressed. The depression wasn't related to my body, but I stopped eating. I became obsessed with becoming thin and did it in a really unhealthy way.

I don't want to do that again. I just want to be happy with myself. I don't believe that only thin people are healthy. I know that health and beauty comes in all different sizes. But I also know that I've gotten lazy and I don't take care of myself as well as I should these days.

I want to see the beautiful me that my husband sees.

This is excruciatingly hard.

Just for the record, this is not a diet blog. Please don't comment with suggestions for losing weight. If you do that, you're sort of missing the point of this post. Thanks.

Happy Birthday to me (tomorrow)!

2010-04-08T13:00:00.001-07:00

Mom and Dad expecting me, originally uploaded by weddingpie.

I'm not sure if I will find a chance to do any writing tonight or tomorrow, so you're getting my mememe birthday post this afternoon.

Here's a picture of my parents in 1968, forty-two years ago. They were both 23 years old at the time. Tomorrow I turn 42! It's not such a bad thing, really. I'd rather be 42 than 22, or even 32. I'm really happy these days.

I plan on lots of fun, family, beers and relaxation this weekend. I'm taking the day off work and won't be looking back until Monday morning at 8am. Today I got warm cookies delivered to my office, courtesy of my thoughtful mom and brother and Tiff's Treats. My work-mates took me out to lunch, which was, well.... you know. It was two work-mates that wouldn't choose me as a friend outside of work doing their duty.

The salad was good.

And that's fine. I love birthdays, and tomorrow is mine!

On a Friday a couple of years ago

2010-04-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

This was first written September 11, 2007 and posted on myspace.

Fridays always seem like a holiday. The weekend is so close you can smell it. Freedom- from work, from school. Freedom to do whatever you want. In school, kids start bouncing off the walls on Friday afternoons. At work, we start thinking about the weekend by Friday afternoon. Weekend plans, weekend sleeping in, weekend time with family.

Weekends are wearing pajamas all day Sunday, and Friday is almost the weekend.

A few years ago, Friday also meant Happy Hour to me. My best friend Juan and I would email all day long, making our plans, which always started at 5:01 p.m. That was the time when we made ourselves pretty and got ready to flirt with boys downtown after a couple of martinis.

Fridays are different for me now. I don't plan so many Happy Hours these days. I've settled into a happy little life, a happier life than I ever had before. I only flirt with one boy now.

Friday afternoon still feels like a holiday, though. My boss leaves after lunch and my co-worker and I take it easy. We chit-chat about our weekend plans, wrap up our work and clean off our desks. We read the paper, check our emails and start counting down the minutes until the weekend.

No one is in a bad mood on Friday afternoon.

This past Friday was a little different for me. It started out the same as always, but around 11:30 in the morning I got a phone call from my brother Mike. He works technically for the same department as me, but in a building over. We talk on the phone at work now and then, and ocassionally even meet for lunch.

I'm close with my brother, but we are both pretty busy. Both of us have happy little lives.

I wasn't sure why he would be calling this past Friday. We had no lunch plans that I knew of. Mike wasn't calling for chit-chat, though. He simply blurted out his news. Our mother was in an ambulance, on her way to the emergency room at Seton Hospital. The facts were a bit fuzzy- the why's and where's and how's were rather unclear.

I don't remember his exact words.

A general panicky feeling settled over me quickly. I hung up the phone and hurried over to my boss's office to ask her if I could leave. Ask her? Why would I ask her? Her door was shut, though, and she didn't answer. My co-worker told me to just leave, "Just go, Melinda!" So I went. I gathered my things- my bag, phone, keys. On the elevator as I left, I called my boyfriend. I met Mike downstairs and I recognized the same panicky, confused look in his eyes. That must be how I looked.

My father died several years ago- almost twenty now. The unspoken fear of losing my mother too, today on this Friday, silenced both my brother and I. We jumped in his VW bug and he answered some of my questions, the who's and the where's. Mom was at the library, reading emails and talking to her librarian friends when she had a chest pain. The pain was bad enough that an ambulance was summoned. One of the librarians called my brother. We knew no more than that.

We made our way into the emergency room of Seton and gave our sparse information to the desk clerk.

We are looking for our mother. She was brought by ambulance. She was brought in for chest pain. That's all we know. What we don't know is what sort of chest pain. It could be anxiety, indigestion, gas, a heart attack. She could have been stabbed- stabbed in the library! Probably not, though.

No one seemed to know where my mother was. I saw my father's anger in my brother's face. That same anger, directed at dumbasses. Don't they see that we are worried? Does anyone know anything around here?

Then we saw her, wheeled in on a gurney, all hooked up to the machine. She was talking, just as much as ever. There was my mother, making friends again, with her amublance driver.

My brother and I were told to wait, in the room designed for waiting. We sat there with the magazines and the television and the vinyl-seated chairs, and we realized that she was alright. She seemed fine. We didn't see any blood, anyway.

We finally were allowed to see her. She was tired but talkative as ever. They ran lots of tests- her heart seemed fine. I called work and I called my boyfriend. Everyone was relieved that things weren't as dire as I had first thought.

This is what you think, though, when you are called, in the middle of a friday, and told that your mother is in an ambulance, on the way to the hospital. You think the worst. You remember the day your father died, when he was 47 years old. You remember your favorite uncle dying when he was 43. You remember these things and it strikes you that your mother is 62 and perhaps she isn't as invincible as you thought.

I've always thought that my mother would live forever. She has always seemed so strong and healthy. Sometimes she has more energy than I do. At 6am, I can barely pry my eyes open but my mother is as hyper as a monkey. It is hard to see her in a hospital bed, with the machines and the tubes.

The doctors insisted she stay overnight so that they could run some more tests. She didn't put up a fight, but just requested that we pack her a bag with a book and clothes and her toothbrush. The next day my brother and his wife brought her home from the hospital and the day after that my mother flew to Boston to see a friend.

We know this- her heart is fine. It may have simply been anxiety, or even indigestion. She will see her doctor next week to do a stress test. The whole thing tested my brother and I, though we didn't discuss it. We just dealt with it that day. In my family, we laugh when we are worried or stressed. Even in the hospital. And we laughed that day, once we knew that her heart was fine.

I got an email from her today. She told me about the Boston Red Sox game she saw last night, the lobster she ate with her friend and the concert they're going to tonight.

This is my mother. She is invincible.

She retired in April. She was widowed sixteen years ago, at the age of 46. She makes friends with strangers in lines and on airplanes. She goes for daily walks and her favorite beer is Stella Artois. She makes more plans for Happy Hours than I do. She drives me crazy sometimes, as mothers do.

This is my mother.

This picture is from last summer, at the Farmer's Market. She's doing fine now.

Easy Breezy Sundress Fashion

2010-04-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

Outfit of the Day, April 5, 2010

Navy Cotton Dress: WalMart, Size XL, $12
Tank: WM, Size XL, $4
Cardi: Thrifted, Size Medium
Sandals: Target 2009
Necklace: Same as Friday, gifted from Richele, Etsy seller orangyredink

I really love this dress. It's breezy, comfy and I've gotten lots of compliments on it. I also love that it doesn't have a tie at the waist. Those are just annoying when they're on every single sundress out there. What I really would like to wear with this are these, by KorkEase:

They're a little too rich for my budget, though. Maybe I can thrift something similar. But how cute would they be with all my little sundresses? Some of the other styles made by Kork Ease are a little cuter, but I can't wear those 3" heels. These are just right for me.

Look at me- another outfit post! Don't get too used to it, though. I can't wear something this cute everyday. Not with my wardrobe, anyway.

Birthday Wish List

2010-04-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

More than anything else, I want a brand new lawnmower. I'm tired of paying people to mow our lawn for us. Sometimes they don't show up when they promised and oftentimes they decide that they need to charge more than the advertised rate.

But that's not why I really want a lawnmower for my birthday. I'm jealous of those folks who get to mow my lawn. I was born to spend my time outside, soaking up the sun and the smell of freshly cut grass. I even like the sound of the lawnmower. It reminds me of my father and my childhood. When I first hear it, early on a Saturday morning, I peek outside and half expect to see my him there, taking care of my overgrown yard.

I love the feel of putting my muscles to work, early on a summer morning. Afterwards, my body aches in such a good way. It's so much better than you can imagine. I can look out at my yard and see the fruits of my labor after an hour or two. I love it so much more than the empty running, running to nowhere on the treadmill for an hour.

There's a few other things I'd like for my birthday- a new sewing machine, or even sewing lessons. I could probably use an afternoon of pampering in a fancy salon, and I know I'd love some pretty new sandals.

But what I really want is a brand new lawnmower, and to be in charge of the yard.

Fatshion Friday, aka It turns out I don't like belts so much

2010-04-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

I promised some fatshion, so here we go! I'll try to give as much information as I can on the different pieces. Truthfully, I don't recall all the prices and sizes but I will do my best.

Outfit of the chambray dress- March 31, 2010

Chambray dress: WalMart, size XL, $14
Argyle Cardigan: Thrifted, orignally Target brand
Belt: Thrifted, Levis brand
Sandals: Target last year
Necklace: Etsy seller lillyella
Wedding band: James Avery

What I like about this outfit:
The chambray dress was quite a find, and so inexpensive. It's also made of a very thin, light material which is perfect for a Texas summer. I'm looking forward to wearing it with lots of different cardigans in the future. Overall, it's a versatile workhorse of a dress that I'll probably wear to the office a lot this summer.

What I didn't like about this outfit:
The dress came with its own belt, a boring brown number. I've taken that belt off but the dress has an elasticized waist and needs something in the middle. I think I've discovered that I'm not much of a belt person. This belt fit fine, but was so uncomfortable and dug into my waist as I sat at my desk all day. I'm going to try this dress with a scarf tied in the middle instead next time. I also wore the wrong bra, as I kept adjusting myself and felt like I was flashing everyone all day. I may need to wear a camisole or tank top next time.

And as a bonus, another outfit from that I'm wearing at this very moment!
April 2, 2010

Dress: Thrifted for $2, originally from WalMart, Size XL
Tank: WalMart, $4, Size XL
Black Cardigan (under the jacket): Thrifted Merona brand, Size XL
Levi's Jacket: Thrifted, $6
Chucks: Thrifted
Necklace: Gifted from my friend Richele, blogged about yesterday, Etsy seller orangyredink

There's really only one thing that I don't love about this outfit. It's a little dark and black for Spring. I like a little more color this time of year, though I wear a lot of black in the winter.

I really picked this outfit around my new birthday gift of a necklace.

I'm in love with it. My friend Richele found it on my Etsy's favorites list and sent it to me as an early birthday gift. I actually have seven tattoos of my own, and this is like a bonus one! Plus, I love that it says DAD. I've been meaning to get an actual tattoo honoring my father for quite awhile, so this is just perfect. My eventual real tattoo will likely be very similar to this necklace.

One of my must-have basics is a denim jacket, preferably well worn and a bit faded. I found this Levi's jacket last summer at GoodWill for $6 and grabbed it up without a second thought. I wish there was a teensy bit more room in the upper arms, but overall it's just about perfect.

Another must-have basic of mine is white tank tops. I replenish the supply every Spring, as I wear a lot of them all summer long. They tend to get worn out, stretched and stained by the end of the summer, so I just replace them. I've recently discovered that my favorites are these $4 numbers from WalMart. Now, I know a lot of people have problems with buying from the evil WM empire. I understand this. For now, with my budget, I'll keep shopping there. I've had some amazing luck finding cute sundresses and affordable basics at my local WM.

I also wear low-top Chucks a lot- with skirts, jeans and just about everything inbetween. I'm a casual kinda girl and they suit me just fine. I originally put on sandals this morning, but my Chucks were calling to me.

And there you have it, a little bit of fatshion, Melinda-style.

I'm not a fashion blogger

2010-04-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted my blog to be a combination of all sorts of things, including some fiction, food, fun, silliness and just my random day to day life. I started the blog so that I could work on my writing and organizing my thoughts. I hoped it would clear my head, and open up my little world a bit.

No fashion blogging happening here. I'm not as stylish as some of my fashion-blogging buddies. I've got limited funds for such things (though that really has nothing to do with the real essence of fatshion). I'm a staunch believer that one can be amazingly fearless and stylish on a budget. But I digress.

Nope, I'm not a fashion blogger. However, I've got some ideas for projects swirling around in my noggin. I'm going to learn to sew. Like, now. Well, in the next few weeks. Maybe by the end of summer I'll have the basics down. I'm hoping to start doing some upcycling with my thrifting finds, and perhaps expand my little online vintage shop. I'm feeling the need to get a bit more creative these days. I've not been too terribly happy at work, which shouldn't be a big surprise. My plan is to stick it out there for the time being, but to attempt to expand my life outside of work so I find what I'm needing. Ya get me?

I enjoy fatshion and fashion too. Are you wondering what fatshion is? Well, there's fashion blogging and there's fatshion blogging. I'm not even sure where to direct you to go first to find out more about fatshion, though you could start here. That blog is about a lot more than just clothes, though. I've linked to some of my favorite fatshion (and fashion) blogs on the right over there. I should probably start adding some more.

Here's what I'm getting to, slowly but surely. I'm going to start posting some fatshiony things in the future, including my own outfit photos as well as photos of others who inspire me. I'll also post some wish-list type things, too. You know, things I wish I was wearing, or hope to wear sometime in the future. I'm still learning, and I most definitely am not the most stylish girl in the blogosphere. My closet isn't over-stuffed by any stretch of the imagination. My style will be focused on thrifty finds and clothing from discount and second-hand stores.

I don't have an outfit photo to share today, but here's this:

I received this birthday gift in the mail today from my friend Richele of Studio D. Sneaky Richele went to my Etsy favorites list and got this for me! It's so special because of the DAD. I love it and am already planning the first outfit to wear with it! You can buy one or a similar one like this:

by visiting orangyredink at Etsy! I first fell in love with her stuff last summer when I saw a picture of Hillary of byhillary wearing that second one.

So just to clear things up, I may write a little bit about fashion, especially fatshion, but I'm not really a fashion blogger.

And this will never, ever be a diet blog.

Wednesday Haikus

2010-03-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

In a funk right now
It's true I need something more
The usual sucks.

I'm feeling empty
Fill me up with bigger dreams
No more sad kitty.

I realize that these are a little debbie downer, but it's where my head is at right now. Better to haiku than to bitch and whine, I suppose. It's all, 100% job related. My relationships, my love, my life other than work is full of joy and happiness. I'm just trying to find my way.

My super-exciting anniversary weekend

2010-03-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

I had a fantastic weekend, full of visiting relatives from out of town, Farmer's Market shopping, pedicure-getting, breakfast taco and popcorn-eating, going to the movies, and lots of 1st wedding anniversary-celebrating. I even took some pictures.

Friday night I unfortunately forgot my camera. My Aunt Charlene, Uncle Pat, cousin Linda and her husband Claude all showed up in town to attend a wedding, and we met them for dinner at Hill's Cafe. It was a little odd that they were in town for a wedding, since the last time Amos and I had seen them was last year, this very same weekend, for our wedding. These are relatives of mine on my dad's side of the family. As I've mentioned before, my dad passed away nearly twenty years ago. It's important to me to stay in touch with my family on his side. It keeps him alive, somehow. His memory, anyway. My dad was a favorite child sort of guy- the only boy in his family. He had three sisters and my Aunt Charlene was the one he was the closest to.

Anyway, Friday night we picked up my Mom and headed down to South Austin for some comfort food. You really should go to Hill's Cafe if you're ever on that side of town. We even got to hear some live country music while we ate. Good stuff. As I said, I forgot my camera so no pictures, sadly.

Saturday was just chock full of good stuff. It was the grand opening of the Cedar Park Farmer's Market. There's such a groundswell of excitement in Cedar Park for this. In the past, I've driven all the way into downtown Austin on Saturday mornings for my Farmer's Market fix. But no more!! I had to leave the hubby at home to meet the installer dude for our new cable system, but I decided to check it out all on my own. And I took lots of pictures!

Check out everyone in their overalls!! I love this shot.

The Liz Morphis Trio entertained everyone.

Another shot of Liz and her band. Check out that vintage dress and those boots! They have cactus! I mean, cacti!

Here's a selfie of me back at the car with my Farmer's Market booty. Look how excited I am!

And a picture of the booty. That's some bib lettuce, regular-sized lettuce of some sort, homemade curry and black bean dip.

By the time I got there around 10:30 am, a lot of the merchandise was sold out. I was especially bummed that I missed out on the fresh gulf shrimp. I overheard that they plan on having more vendors and more merchandise from now on. They weren't sure what to expect for the first day and were just overwhelmed with the response. I'm crazy happy about it. This will be part of my Saturday routine from now on. Making the five minute drive sure beats the hell out of the half hour drive I was making into downtown Austin. Yeehaw.

After all of that excitement, I picked up some breakfast tacos and headed back home. The mister and I ate them up before I could even get a picture. I then left him at home so I could go get a much-needed pedicure. I tried out a new place called Mirada Nails and Spa and was very happy with the results. The people at my old place weren't very friendly. I like to go treat myself to a little pampering every once in awhile and I can't enjoy it if they make me feel guilty for having dry feet. Here's the final results:

Next we did some shopping, and hit up Frye's and Goodwill. I even scored two new cardigans, one of them is a vintage IZOD! Here's a picture of the mister outside of Goodwill:

Saturday night I made a yummy meal of homemade chicken curry and a red cabbage salad. It was good stuff, and I even enjoyed it. I absolutely hate peas but I loved the curry, peas and all.

Sunday we picked up my mom again and met my brother Mike and his wife Stacey at Juan in a Million, one of the best Mexican breakfast places in town. They are famous for the Don Juan taco, and have even been featured on Man vs. Food.
We left stuffed and satisfied, carrying bags of leftovers for breakfast Monday (today).

We then headed over to the space for Stacey's new shop, Blackbird Austin. I'm so happy for Stacey that she's able to pursue doing something like this. And jealous. We hung out over there talking, swapping ideas for my own vintage/upcycled vintage entrepreneurial dreams. It was fun, and I'm totally pumped and motivated to get my ass moving now. We got in the car and Amos was like "What the hell? I had no clue you had so many ideas about doing this. Get the move on, lady!" So yeah, it was a productive morning.

Next, Amos and I headed back up to Cedar Park and we went to the movies. What did we see, you ask? Only the most awesome movie about a time traveling hot tub ever! Seriously, if you like silly movies, you'll like Hot Tub Time Machine. But if you are my age and graduated from high school in 1986, you will LOVE it. We munched on some popcorn and Cherry Coke (don't judge) and laughed our asses off.

Afterwards, we went back home and got lazy for awhile. Then I made myself pretty, he changed clothes, and we went out to dinner to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. We had dinner at Morelia's Grill in Round Rock, where we had our rehearsal dinner a year ago. They were super busy, had live music, and it appeared they had done some painting since we were there last. I was happy to see this little mom and pop place doing so well. The margaritas are fantastic there. We each only finished about half our meals (thank you popcorn and Cherry Coke) so we boxed the rest up and headed home to snuggle and tuck in for the night.

Whew. What a weekend! I wish I had taken more pictures. I tend to be a bit forgetful but I'll try to be better in the future. I know these "what we did over the weekend" blogs are much more entertaining when there's pictures to go along with all the words.

Some Housekeeping and also: It's Friday!

2010-03-26T09:27:00.000-07:00

My friend Erin from Both Yellow Animals gave me The SugarDoll Blogger award but for some reason I can't upload the image to my blog. Hmmph. Anyway, I was supposed to post it with a list of ten random things about me. That way, all of my lovely readers (all two of you, one of whom is Erin) could get to know me a bit better.

The thing is, I've had a bit of writer's block in trying to come up with ten random things. But here's a couple just for fun.

1.I snort when I laugh hard. When I first started dating my husband, his kids would try to get me to laugh and snort as loud and long as possible.

2.I worry over money a lot.

So that's it for now. Maybe I'll come up with a better list later. Truthfully, I don't know why I was having such a hard time with it. I am a veteran list-maker. I love lists. I love them so much that I've got them scattered all over the house.

I've been doing lots of productive things today like writing haikus and shopping for shoes. Here's my haiku:

Today is Friday
Woohoo Yippee I'm happy!
Margarita time

I know, I know. I may have a gift for it. Who knew?

And here's some shoes I like:

and these:

So you can kind of see the style I'm digging right now. I want some sandals that have a cork wedge heel, around 2-2 1/2" high. I thought they would be hard to find, since most cute wedge sandals have skyhigh heels. I actually found all kinds that I am totally craving, but most of them are a little pricier than I can afford right now. I love the brands that I found- Clark's, Skechers, Fossil. But what I need is to find some similar shoes but at a discount store. I'm a size 7 1/2. Just sayin'.

Okay and one more thing. As of today at 5pm, my husband and I get an entire weekend together! This never, ever happens. He works some crazy hours and usually I spend at least part of the weekend entertaining myself. Which is actually fine- I'm a pretty independent girl, having been a singleton for so many years. I enjoy puttering around on my free days, working on my organizing projects, my Etsy shop, or doing some thrifting.

However, when I found out that the mister would have this entire weekend off, and we would get some quality alone time, I was crazy happy. What a great surprise, especially since Sunday is our 1 year wedding anniversary. It's almost like the honeymoon we never had, except that we are kinda broke and we won't be traveling. I'm looking forward to dragging him along to the new Farmer's Market in Cedar Park, going out to eat Mexican food and sleeping in. I intend to make the most of our time together for the next few days.

I also intend to take more pictures, so I can actually write about our little adventures.

The sun is out, and it's Friday! Go enjoy it.

Will you still love me when I'm 64?

2010-03-25T13:34:00.001-07:00

My love for my hubby knows no bounds, originally uploaded by weddingpie.

Last night, on the way to dinner, I said something to my husband along the lines of "Do you think we are especially lovey dovey, and will we ever grow out of this stage?"

He said we are lovely dovey, but he hoped we wouldn't grow out of it. In fact, he doubts we will. I have to agree with him. I should probably point out that we were holding hands in the car at the time of the conversation.

Maybe it's because we found each other a little later in life (at the age of 39). Him after a failed first marriage, me after a lifetime of mostly living single. I didn't think I would ever find someone as sweet and loving as him and I definitely didn't expect to ever become a married lady.

We are a little mushy, it's true. We cuddle and smooch. We hold hands while we watch television and I like to surprise him with a grab on his tushie. His usual phone greeting to me is "Hello beautiful."

On our very first date, I made the first move and gave him a kiss. Once he recovered from the shock, he kissed me back and it's been smooch-city ever since.

I guess I've been thinking about us and our lovey-doveyness because Sunday is our anniversary. One year ago today was my last day at work before the wedding. It was also the day of the Big Hail Storm that beat up my poor Grand Am. Luckily, she's recovered.

But back to the subject at hand, the question I pondered as we drove to Kungfu Buffet. Are we overly loverly? It is indeed possible that we occasionally embarass his two kids in public with our affectionate ways.

My parents were the same way. And I would wager that if my dad were alive today, they would still be smooching in the aisles of HEB.

Haikus for a Wednesday

2010-03-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across a couple of Haiku blogs today and they made me giggle. For the definition of a Haiku go here. The funny lady at Soy Sauce Carnival seems to have stopped blogging, as of last October. Now she just tweets her haikus. I don't tweet anything. And there's also So Zen It Hurts...Bad which is three friends who all contribute. That blog seems to still be active recently. I decided to write a few of my own today, but none of mine are particularly funny. It's just what's on my mind today.

I can't keep this up
Job is killing me softly
No, not softly though

Call you on my lunch
Your words make it all better
And tonight- sushi

I am so sleepy
Can't wait to be home with you
Let's snuggle and kiss

And on a final note:

I'll try tomorrow
More funny less depressing
Yeah that's the ticket

My church of baseball (and some poetry too)

2010-03-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

This is me, around 1970. I come from a family of baseball loving fools. I've played on organized teams at the YMCA, teams coached by my mom. I've spent hours and hours on countless summer days in the backyard of my childhood home, learning from my dad how to pitch and catch. My husband is a Yankees fan, and my heart belongs to the Houston Astros. Some of our first dates were to baseball games. He even asked me to marry him at a Yankees-Astros game in 2008. We chose our wedding date (March 28th) because it was Spring. And in the Spring comes baseball. Here's a short poem that exudes the sweet joy of Spring.

It is Spring and it is Baseball
by Valerie Steiner

the late winter sky
floating stripes
pink, white, grey and blue

the promise of warmer weather to come
only days from spring

it won't be long now
before the men in orange and blue
are playing on that diamond again

how glorious it will be to yell
and shout with glee
as another home run goes over
that centerfield wall

and even if our team loses
at least we can say
Hey! It is Spring
and It is Baseball!

There is poetry in baseball. Some believe in a sort of Religion of Baseball, as Annie Savoy (played by Susan Sarandon) said so perfectly in Bull Durham. Go ahead, go to the link and watch her talk about it. It still gets me everytime.

Here's a little more poetry.

How To Play Night Baseball
by Jonathan Holden ©
Published: Design For A House (1972)

A pasture is best, freshly
mown so that by the time a grounder's
plowed through all that chewed, spit-out
grass to reach you, the ball
will be bruised with green kisses. Start
in the evening. Come
with a bad sunburn and smelling of chlorine,
water still crackling in your ears.
Play until the ball is khaki-
a movable piece of the twilight-
the girls' bare arms in the bleachers are pale,
and heat lightning jumps in the west. Play
until you can only see pop-ups,
and routine grounders get lost in
the sweet grass for extra bases.

And here's the last one. This is one of the greatest baseball poems ever, written by John Updike. How can you go wrong with some Updike?

Baseball
by John Updike

It looks easy from a distance,
easy and lazy, even,
until you stand up to the plate
and see the fastball sailing inside,
an inch from your chin,
or circle in the outfield
straining to get a bead
on a small black dot
a city block or more high,
a dark star that could fall
on your head like a leaden meteor.

The grass, the dirt, the deadly hops
between your feet and overeager glove:
football can be learned,
and basketball finessed, but
there is no hiding from baseball
the fact that some are chosen
and some are not—those whose mitts
feel too left-handed,
who are scared at third base
of the pulled line drive,
and at first base are scared
of the shortstop's wild throw
that stretches you out like a gutted deer.

There is nowhere to hide when the ball's
spotlight swivels your way,
and the chatter around you falls still,
and the mothers on the sidelines,
your own among them, hold their breaths,
and you whiff on a terrible pitch
or in the infield achieve
something with the ball so
ridiculous you blush for years.
It's easy to do. Baseball was
invented in America, where beneath
the good cheer and sly jazz the chance
of failure is everybody's right,
beginning with baseball.

"Baseball" by John Updike, from Endpoint and Other Poems. © Alfred A. Knopf, 2009. Reprinted with permission.

I'm not exactly sure where my love of the sport comes from. I suspect that it has something to do with my father, who died almost twenty years ago. He loved the game, and he was pretty good at it. He played on various teams, just for fun. He taught me to pitch. It's sweet nostalgia.

I remember especially my 9th birthday- April 9, 1977. The whole family had planned to go to the Houston Astros game that day. This was back in the era of the crazy orange and blue striped uniforms. Well, my little brother got sick, so Mom stayed home with him. Dad took me to the game, just the two of us. I have a crystal clear memory of that day over thirty years ago. I remember the crowd, the sounds, the hotdogs, the baseball cap giveaway. I remember spending the day with my dad.

And I still love baseball.

My Hero

2010-03-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

When I was five, I had an imaginary friend named Hero. Now in real life, I have an actual living, breathing hero. Her name is Stacey (I'm on the left and she's on the right in this picture) and she is married to my brother. She's my hero because she always follows her dreams and her passion. I'm hoping to take a lesson from her and do the same soon. In the past she started her very own burlesque dance troupe here in Austin. Now, she's opening up a clothing and curio store with her friend Juliana!

I'm so proud of her! Here's the site for Blackbird Austin. Not much information there yet, but I'm sure there will be more soon. I'll be going to their soft opening on April 10th with my fantastic friend Erin of Both Yellow Animals! Check it out!

Dear Former Boss

2010-03-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

This card from Post Secret sort of spoke to me today. Actually, it screamed to me, and it was even sent from Houston, Texas (the city of my birth). If I were to believe in signs, this would be the one. And truthfully I do trust these things from time to time. If nothing else, it shows me that I'm not crazy to feel the way I do these days.

Here it is 6:05 pm on a Sunday night and the step-kids are back with their mom. I'm in the house alone waiting for the mister to get home. And my brain is running, running running like a veritable Forrest Gump on a mission. I'm thinking about my options, work-wise. I'm starving for some happiness at work. Or less misery, even. I'll admit to some tears this weekend over this whole bloody mess. But this card shows me that maybe this will all be sorted out soon without too many more.

I hate Sunday nights, with Monday morning right around the corner.

What I'd rather be doing

2010-03-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not happy at work.

Anyone who knows me at all is probably aware of that unhappy circumstance. There's been quite a bit of workplace drama and nastiness going on the last few days. I've come to realize a few things about myself, slowly but surely. One of those things is that I'm not content to sit at a desk all day. I've forced myself to suck it up for the last four years for the health insurance and Christmas vacations. The simple truth is I'm no Office Girl. If it wasn't painfully clear to me before, the recent goings-on have solidified that epiphany for me.

I'd rather be working outside, getting dirty. I love the feeling of coming home at the end of a long day's work, my body tired and sweaty. Twice earlier today I had heart palpitations while skimming through the classifieds. I stumbled upon two separate jobs that seemed just about near-perfect. The first one was a job in an iconic feed store near my home. "Get paid to get lots of fresh air and exercise" it read. Are you kidding me? Sign me up today.

The second was an advertisement for a waitress in my favorite local diner. I waitressed for years before ending up in my current cubicle, and only left to go back to a real job in an office. I especially love working the early morning shift, filling up coffees and serving big steaming plates of breakfast. It should be no surprise that I prefer diners. I loved almost every bit of it. Running around and staying busy all day. Seeing my regulars every morning and walking home with a pocket full of cash. Best of all is that feeling each evening, having worked a good honest day.

Sure there are drawbacks to making such a drastic career change. There's the folks who treat you different, who assume you're uneducated and this is the best you can do. But you know what? There's a lot of people who treat me that way here in the office, too. The truth is, I am educated. Overly so, even (considering my lofty goals). I have a BA from a fancy, expensive private school. I was always a smart kid, and I grew into a smart adult. I bet I would still be just as smart even if I'd never gotten this degree. The degree that I'm still paying for, all these years later.

I try not to live with regrets. The best I can do now is figure out what will make me happy. Right now, this job isn't it. It's time to be a grown-up and do what I need to do. But how? How do I take care of my fiscal responsibilities and pursue my happiness too? It's unfair to foist this all off onto the mister so that I can go play in the sunshine or serve pie and coffee like some tip-happy homemaker.

So this is where I am now. Facing my own little mid-life crisis on the cusp of my 42nd birthday.

A brief, personal history of hair

2010-03-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

First written September 2007. I've done some editing today, as I am wont to do. Here we go:

We women, without many exceptions, have strong feelings about our hair. Long, short, to color or not to color..... there are so many decisions for a lady. I have my own hair history, and here it is.

I. Before I had a choice.

I was born bald, but that soon changed. As a baby, my hair arrived and it arrived in all kinds of crazy. Photographs exist which document my crazy baby hair. It was brown, spiky and wild. I had the constant appearance of a child who had just been electrocuted. I had my own style from the very beginning.

II. The Early Years.

Like the parents of most little girls, my parents kept my hair long. At some point in my toddler years, my hair turned a remarkable shade of strawberry blonde. Yes, there are pictures that also document this fact. If I stood in the sunshine, my hair shone with the intensity of the sun itself.

III. My First Hair Decision.

At the ripe old age of five, I informed my mother that I wanted my hair cut short. The year would have been 1973. I'm not sure what my inspiration was for this act of bravery, especially during the era of hippies, with their long straight hair. Perhaps I saw a picture of Twiggy or Mia Farrow. Perhaps I had had enough of my long hair sticking to my sweaty neck in the heat of Texas summers. Who knows? But the fact of the matter is, I insisted and my mother bent to my will. Maybe she was even secretly relieved. Short hair on a five year old me meant less work for my mother. No more tangles, ponytails or barrettes.

Recently, while cleaning out some boxes in storage, my mother discovered a truly strange memento from my childhood. She had apparently saved my hair clippings from that momentous haircut. Even stranger still, she had wrapped it up in a rubberband and then unceremoniously stored it in an old tampon box. Back then, thirty-plus years ago, tampons came in durable plastic boxes. One has to wonder how they were marketed. Was it common for women to re-use these boxes to store coins or other small items?

Mom bestowed me with the tampon box full of my reddish colored hair. I haven't decided what to do with it yet.

IV. After the haircut.

Over the years since that first cut, my hair has changed lengths and colors at my whim. I've worn my hair long and red. In high school in the 80's I sported a permed-mulletty looking do. I've cut my own bangs and colored my hair some disturbing shades not found in nature. A few years ago, my sister-in-law even talked me into a Sharon Stone-esque super short, bleached blonde spiky look.

I soon decided that there is such a thing as too short and too blonde.

Since then, I've grown out my hair from the seriously short cut, but have kept it somewhat shortish. It was easy to style, dried quickly and was handy for the gym. Plus, I loved going to the salon. I felt so pampered getting my hair washed and my scalp massaged. I always got tons of compliments on my short hairdos. Everyone said it was "stylish" or "cute."

Which brings me to now.

I'm ready to grow my hair long again. Short hair gives you limited choices in styling. Everyday your hair looks basically the same. Plus, monthly salon visits get expensive.

And it's cute. I'm kinda tired of cute.

I miss having long hair.

I want to curl my hair. I want to wear ponytails. I want to style it like Farrah Fawcett on 70's day at the office (okay, we don't have 70's day, but if we did, I would want my hair feathered).

I want my hair to sway as I sashay into a room.

I want to flip my hair defiantly while making crucial points in serious discussions.

I want to flip my hair seductively while I pretend I don't realize how sexy it is.

I want to see the look on my boyfriend's face when I come out of the shower, my hair still wet, dripping down my back.

I'd like to be grabbed by my hair and pulled close. Yeah, I said it.

I'm ready for the change. Less haircuts. More shampoo. Cute braids, French twists, messy ponytails.

I am so ready.

I've been working on it for a couple of months. So far, I just have a mess that resembles David Spade's hairdo. It is hard work, this watching your hair grow. It's hard to resist the salon pampering.

I must remain strong if I am serious about the sexy long red locks.

And I am oh so serious. Today was a BAD HAIR DAY. So bad, in fact, I resorted to a baseball cap. Luckily, I like baseball and have some caps. Luckily also, I work in a casual office where baseball caps are acceptable.

It may be months, or even a year, but I will get my long hair again.

Long
hair
down
to
my
ass.

A hair update, dated today, March 18, 2010. It's been over two years since this was written and I declared the goal of hair to my ass.

It's not there yet. I've been growing it out, interrupted only by occasional trims. I've also gone a more natural shade of brown, closer to the shade I was born to be. I'm still hell-bent on getting it longer. It's turned into a wavy, crazy mess hitting just past shoulder length but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far.

I've also noticed that the grey hairs seem to sprout up more frequently these days. I'm sorta okay with that, as I wouldn't mind going even more natural eventually. I like the idea of being an older lady with long, lustrous silver locks.

Down to my ass.

The wait

2010-03-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

First written October 4, 2007 Blogging it here in my new space today to archive with a wee bit of editing to the original.

I wait.

I wait for the bus to leave in the morning. It's not such a bad wait. I am sleepy. I have my book and my coffee.

I wait for my turn to meet with my boss first thing in the morning. I can hardly wait until it's over.

I wait for 12:30 to arrive- my lunch hour. This is my hour of freedom, to walk in the sun, to eat an orange, to trot over to the post office to mail a letter, to sit quietly on a bench and think.

I wait for 5pm. Some days this waiting is harder than others. I look at the clock too often. Others, I am so busy that I can hardly believe the day is over.

I wait for the bus again. This wait isn't as easy as in the morning. All I want to do is go home, and it is so hot outside. Even in October. I begin to wonder if I missed the last bus of the day.

I wait for you to finish up at work. This wait isn't hard at all. I know you'll be done soon and we will be headed to our home, to eat dinner and watch movies and snuggle on the couch.

This wait is easy. You are on the other side of this wait. You and your hugs and your smile. You laughing at me. You making me laugh.

So much easier than the wait from before, before I knew you. This is what I was waiting for. You are what I was waiting for.

I wait to be happier from 8-5, Monday through Friday. I wait and I wait. It doesn't happen. I can't wait anymore.

I wait for my next birthday. I wonder how I will be different.

I wait for tomorrow, and the day after. I wait, and I begin to write. It warms me inside, from the very center of what is me to my fingertips.

This is what I was waiting for.

My Handyman at the Homestead or: Look what I found on the Internet

2010-03-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

I found myself searching around the internets today for images to accompany my story today about our dishwasher. You see, I came home to discover my husband had magically fixed our sadly broken appliance. I've been handwashing dishes for months and months. And our garbage disposal was even worse. Both were stinky and in disrepair.

I had very sweetly suggested yesterday that Amos spend at least part of his day off installing the replacement disposal. To my great surprise, my normally not-much of a handyman husband had indeed fulfilled my request and more. He had found the root of the problem with the sad dishwasher (some beer bottlecaps) and VOILA! all fixed.

I neglected to take a photo of my handyman with his accomplishments. Imagine, if you will, my sweet husband posed next to the dishwasher, perhaps flashing me a thumbs-up. So I found myself bereft of a photo to go along with my little blog today, and scoured the internet for something appropriate. Something funny maybe. What I discovered was this. A book titled Dishwasher: One man's quest to wash dishes in all 50 states

I'm intrigued! I love finding interesting things while doing random google searches. This dude apparently was even a guest on The David Letterman Show to talk about his silly book. I should reserve judgement on the silly factor until I've actually read the dang thing. But I'm leaning towards thinking this guy has some element of silliness. The first time he was invited onto Letterman, he sent a friend in his stead. He just didn't feel like doing the talk show thing. On his second visit, he had to show identification to prove that he really was himself. Just for the record, if I'm ever asked to be on Letterman, I will go. If Jay Leno asks, I'll probably send one of the kids. Well, the kids are both boys so that wouldn't work. Even Jay would probably catch on that I'm not a 15 year old boy.

But back to the meat of the matter. My dishwasher works! And by dishwasher, I do not mean me. Good times.

And now for something completely different

2010-03-10T14:24:00.001-08:00

Rehearsal Dinner Smooching and Giggling, originally uploaded by weddingpie.

Ok, so I went a little blogging crazy today, what with the work email and the Corey Haim sadness. I thought I'd post a little something happy. Happy is good.

Here's a picture from our rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding. We're at Morelia Grill, a Mexican restaurant (natch) in Round Rock. I love love love this picture- look how happy everyone is! I wish that dress hadn't gotten a little too tight on me in the year since.

That's Amos's Uncle Stefan and his cousin Jacopo in the picture too. Jacopo and his fiancee are getting married in Italy this fall! We would so be there if it were in the budget. I told Amos it could be our long-awaited honeymoon.

Anyway, I wanted to post a little something happy. Today is good- Spring has sprung and the sun is shining outside. PLUS the mister has been working on our dishwasher and garbage disposal today. Hopefully when I get home they will both be working.

And that's it. Just a little happy post, a little more writing and a picture from our wedding rehearsal dinner. Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks, and this time last year (March 14th to be exact) I was getting ready for my teeny tiny wedding shower/bachelorette party. My only regret is that my friend Erin and I hadn't become friends yet back then, so she wasn't part of the fun.

But now we are friends, and summer in Texas is approaching. There's always more days with new fun to be had.

Here we go again

2010-03-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Another Hollywood actor, former child star or celebrity on the fringe passes away too young (usually from drugs, prescription or otherwise). This time it's Corey Haim, teen star of 80's movies. He was best known from the movies Lucas and Lost Boys.

He was a couple of years younger than me, and he seemed more like a little kid than a heart throb, but I remember him and The Lost Boys well. I saw it over and over again back then, and if I remember correctly, I even had the soundtrack on cassette, natch.

What a waste of a young-ish life. You may notice that I've not included any of the recent photos of him- bloated, drugged up, looking like crap. I'd rather show this sweet picture of him from Lucas (above).

Focus, Melinda.

2010-03-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to focus today.

I do a little work, then I start thinking about my grocery list, movies I want to see, things to do with the kiddo during Spring Break, an adorable dress on clearance at Target that I'd really love to go back and pick up and what to make for dinner tonight.

Then it happens again. A little work, then thoughts of my upcoming one year wedding anniversary, eating Mexican food, how much I love my husband and the laundry I left in the dryer last night.

Maybe it's the gorgeous weather today.

Maybe I'm just getting old.

Maybe I'm a little burned out here at work and can't seem to stay on task.

Most likely it's a bit of all three, mixed together with my own usual scatter-brainedness.

Think, Melinda, think. Get your work done. Make lists so you remember all these things doing a dance party in your noggin.

As my boss would say, I need to focus on the task at hand.

Life is just so good and time is short. It's easy to get overwhelmed by all of the details. Breathe deep, count to ten.

There will be time for groceries, husband-loving, anniversary-celebrating, Spring Break fun and laundry. There's always time for laundry later on.

A little bit of relaxation is in order

2010-03-08T11:52:00.000-08:00

My friend Erin over at both yellow animals blogged about her spa day she took last Friday. It was a birthday gift from her sweet husband.

Can I just say that I am totally freaking jealous? I mean, I really shouldn't be. Anyone can just call up their local spa or salon and schedule a day, or half-day, or half an hour even of some relaxation. It's not like it's an impossible task. It just always seems so utterly impossible for me. I never seem to have quite enough extra funds to splurge on myself. Instead, I spend the money on silly things like groceries. Ya know, cause that's how I roll. Lately I've been spending the money on fix-er up type stuff for the house. Shelves for the garage, that sort of thing.

Time is a factor, too. I need to plan these things for a weekend when we don't have the kiddos. One time I tried to go get a pedicure while the kids were with us. It did not work. Half an hour in, I started getting phone calls and texts. It's kinda hard to relax and enjoy getting pampered with someone waiting for you to PLEASE HURRY AND GET HOME PRETTYPLEASE WE NEED YOU TO DRIVE US SOMEWHERE AND MAYBE MAKE SOME DINNER PRETTY PLEASE WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DONE?

So, yeah. I'm craving a little pampering, specifically a massage and a pedicure. My birthday is coming up next month, so that would be a perfect time for it. But really, truthfully, I need to learn how to relax better on a daily basis so I don't get all worked up to where I need a massage badly as I do now. I have a hard time just relaxing at home, though. If I sit down and I know that I need to do some laundry or wash some dishes (the dishwasher is broken right now), I go a little crazy. I need to jump up and get stuff done! I think I get that from my dad. It's hard to just sit and be when things need doing.

As tired as I seem to be lately and as much as I would love to just sleep and sleep and sleep until about noon, I just can't. I'm generally awake by around 7:00 on the weekends. Sometimes I make it to 8:00 if I'm lucky. The cats come and start crawling over me or I wake up needing to pee. If it's a weekend with the kids, the youngest one turns on cartoons or gets himself something in the kitchen and next thing ya know I'm wide awake.

So, get me out of the house for a few hours. Give me a massage. Make my toes pretty. Take away all thoughts of kiddos, laundry, dishes and chores.

Just let me relax. For an hour or two, anyway.

Spring Fling 2010

2010-03-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

When I was a single girl, I kept my little apartment nice and tidy. I moved into my husband's house (when he was still but a boyfriend) and things changed for me. I found myself moving my things and my tidy nature into a man-cave, complete with weekly visits from two mini-men as well. I made big plans to turn the man-cave into our home. A cleaner, tidier, and organized home.

I've never been a fancy, sophisticated kind of girl, so I had no intentions of turning our home into a showplace. My plan was to simply create a warm, cozy home. A place that reflected both Amos and I. A happy home.

Now three years have passed and I have slowly made some progress. During those three years, we got married and added on to our brood. We started with two mini-men who stay with us part of the time, two cats and a dog. Now we have five cats, a dog and two somewhat bigger mini-men who visit us on a regular basis. I'll be honest, it's hard to keep this place looking good. Some days the clutter grows and grows faster than I can attack it.

My mister is always happy to help, but I usually get more done on my own. I do best when I fly solo, so I don't ask for much help unless I'm in need of some muscle.

This spring the time has come to get the job done. I am one determined girl. I'm on a tear like you would not believe and things are starting to slowly improve. The starting point was when we finally purchased some new living room furniture, which necessitated some re-organizing.

And now the projects are beginning to accumulate. I attacked the garage like a cleaning machine yesterday, one of our first truly Spring-like days this year. The sun came out and I got to work. I took the day off from the office, changed into some cleaning clothes and got dirty.

Soon I hope to purchase some shelves for the garage, which should house the mister's baseball cards, amongst other things. I'm also planning to have a yard sale soon. Cleaning out the cobwebs must be good for the soul, too. My back is sore and I'm already feeling the weight of the task at hand, but I feel practically light and airy.
When I was a waitress, I came home at the end of a long day feeling good.

Hard work is good for the soul. My dad taught me that.

If I can make our home clean and organized and avoid any future appearances on Hoarders in our golden years, then I can do anything. Definitely.

Okay then. It's time to get busy.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2010-03-03T15:51:00.001-08:00

Me and Mom in Galveston, originally uploaded by weddingpie.

Today is my mother's 65th birthday, which means I will be turning 42 next month. She's an awesome mom and I'm so lucky to have her near enough that I can visit with her now and then.

Here's a photo of the two of us at Galveston Island in about 1970 or 1971, which means I was two or three and she was still a baby at twenty-five or six.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday, Erin!

2010-03-01T13:29:00.001-08:00

Erin and Melinda (Melinda's camera), originally uploaded by weddingpie.

Today is getting late and I haven't written a darn thing. So instead of a proper blog, I'm wishing my friend a Happy 28th Birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIN!!!

This picture is from the day I met Erin, standing outside of The Hyde Park Bar and Grill (South location). I don't have the braces anymore. Erin has become such a good friend and my #1 motivator and source of encouragement for my writing. Thanks so much, birthday girl!

My love affair with all things yellow

2010-02-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

I'm in love with everything yellow right now. It's a happy color, and it makes me happy. It reminds me that Spring has nearly sprung here in Texas. So here's some happy yellow images for you on this fine, sunshine-filled Friday afternoon. First up is some yellow Converse Chucks, low-cut style. These are on my current wishlist.

This next photo is an image of plastic yellow flamingos. A local nursery here in Austin, Texas displayed them after Lance Armstrong won his 7th Tour De France.

I have no idea where this third photo is from- somewhere in Canada, maybe. I found it while looking for more cool yellow images. I can just imagine parking my bike in a cool spot like this.

Look at this! The Beatles Yellow Submarine! Fantastic graphics, lovely colors and lots of yellow.

And lastly, this is such a great find. This is an image from the website Terrible Yellow Eyes, which is a collection of artwork inspired by Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. I love this.

Enjoy and have a great, sunny weekend!

The Shock of Happiness

2010-02-24T14:35:00.001-08:00

Love from the start, originally uploaded by weddingpie.

Here's another re-post of a blog I wrote a little over two years ago, when I was new to this whole LOVE thing. The picture you see above is from around the same time. Since I wrote this blog, I became engaged and then married. My hair is longer and I've gained some weight. We've added to the pet brood as well, and now have two additional cats, Kooshi and Henry. I just re-read this old blog again and wanted to add one more change. No more fighting with Sherman for my spot in the bed. The bed is for me and my mister these days.

I'm still happy. I'm even happier, truth be told. Here ya go:

The shock of happiness first written October 25, 2007

A year ago at this time, I was a single girl, living alone in a small apartment. I didn't even have a cat. I went out with my friends, I came home when I pleased. I was responsible to no one but myself. If I felt like it, I ate cold cereal for dinner.

Oh how my life has changed since then. At the time, I dated. I met guys and went out with them once or twice maybe. We would go have dinner or a couple of beers. Maybe we would see a movie. I wasn't desperate, but I was certainly ready to be done with dating. I even went and got myself a cat.

I was ready for love.

Then one night, on another one of those first dates "just to see," just to meet a seemingly nice guy and see if he liked me too, I found it.

Found him. Or perhaps he found me. We found each other. After the date, I surprised him by kissing him first. He didn't resist.

Now, here it is all these months later and my life is quite different. I live with my boyfriend up in Cedar Park, a suburb just on the north side of Austin. He has two kids who are with us part of the time.

And we have pets. My cat, Felix, is king of the castle. My boyfriend got Felix along with me. At first Felix was reticent. He hid away in cupboards and corners of closets. Now he roams about our new home freely. He is the first one to jump up into bed with my boyfriend and I at night. Felix is rather like the oldest BK (boyfriend's kid). They both find their spot and just watch the action. I would say they are both quiet, but Felix is a talker. He tells me all about his day when I come home in the evening.

We also have Dai (pronounced "dye"), a six month old orange tabby cat. Dai reminds us of the younger BK. Crazy, a ladies man, constantly playing and needing attention. He will eat anything, or tries to anyway. As soon as we sit down to eat he tries to nibble on our plates and stick his nose in our drinks.

Then there is the baby kitten. She came into our home when she wandered across our driveway one night, just as my boyfriend and I were driving home. We are such softies. We brought her inside, thinking my mother might take her. Oh no. We both became much too attached to baby Boo. Boo, with name variations of Boobies, Boofus, Boozer, Booty or Bootylicious, Betty Boop or Boomerang. Dai is in love with Boo. The two of them play all day.

Finally there is Sherman, a big old three year old dog. He is a mix of Lab and Rottweiler. I have to fight him for my spot on the bed.

So my life has changed by leaps and bounds since I found the one. I'm quite content, though. I'm amazingly happy, to be honest. I've adapted to this new sort of home life much more easily than you might imagine, considering that I had basically been single for most of my previous thirty-nine years.

The theme for me these days is Letting Go, so that is what I am doing. Letting go of the old me, the old life. I'm embracing this one and have discovered the new me. This new life is not just about having a boyfriend, or being in a relationship as opposed to being single. It is about making a home, for me, for us, for our family.

It is about being warm and content.

It's keeping the home fires burning.

It's knowing where I will be tonight, and tomorrow night and every other night.

It's hearing the words "I love you" and believing them. It is knowing that those words have no agenda. Those words are true.

It is animals and kids, making dinner, watching movies together and staying in your pajamas all day Sunday. It is doing nothing at all and that being enough.

In the spirit of letting go I have also tried, over the last few months, to rekindle some sort of relationship with my grandmother. No easy feat, especially since we never had much of a relationship to kindle in the first place.

She is the one that once told me (when I was a child) "You would be so pretty if you lost some weight." She is the one that chose husband number four and five (same guy) over her family many times. She is the one that got really greedy for my uncle's almost non-existent insurance policy after he died. So much so that she very nearly lost what family she has left.

My grandmother is not an easy lady to love. And no, she did not suddenly become cranky as she reached old age. She has always been difficult. She was the baby of a large family and was spoiled rotten. She's always wanted others to do for her.

Enough of that. She is difficult, always has been. But I am letting go. She is also the woman who, at the age of nineteen, lost her husband in World War II while pregnant with my mother. He died in an airplane crash in England and my mother was born just a month later.

I am trying to love my grandmother. She has been making the effort, so what can it hurt? She has been sending me money every month, trying to help me out with my new braces which I now finally have. I didn't ask her for money, but she knows that I can use it. So she sends me a check every month, and I write her letters.

I miss writing letters- actual handwritten letters on pretty cards or stationary. I send her these notes (she calls them my "newsy notes") and I tell her about my boyfriend, the kids, my new family.

She doesn't lecture me about us living in sin, as I might expect from her. In her last letter to me, though, she did offer me a wedding band, "if I were to need one."

She thinks she's so sneaky. I showed the note to my boyfriend right away and we both giggled about it. It was cute.

Not as cute is when she bugs my brother or I to have children. She recently told my mother that she is the only one in her group of friends who has no great grandchildren. Can you imagine the shame? My brother is married, and we have a cousin who is too. And now of course I am living in sin.

I know that she wishes one of us would have a child. After all, my brother and I are both getting older- inching up to forty now. I have to wonder how that made my mother feel, though, to hear that. My mother has no grandkids at all, but has long ago given up mentioning it to us.

There was a time when she would remind me, in case I had forgotten, that I was still child-less. I informed my mother that I wasn't not having children to hurt her.

Didn't she think that it might pierce me a bit each time she mentioned that? Did she think that I hadn't fallen in love or had children on purpose, as some sort of punishment for her? Didn't she realize how much I might ache for those things?

Perhaps I wanted kids. Perhaps it hurt me most of all. Her constant reminders did not help.

I think my mom finally got the point. She has let it go. And so now, I am letting it go. Letting lots of things go.

With letting go of my old life, I have a very happy, loving new one.

A new life with BK's and cats and dogs. I live in a house with a yard now. I would rather be home than out in some bar on a Friday night, I am not ashamed to admit. At all.

The shock of my happiness is starting to wear off.

I

am

happy.

Snow! Here in Texas!

2010-02-23T13:14:00.001-08:00

Amanda Brown in Round Rock, originally uploaded by News8Austin.

Complete disclosure here- I found this photo on Flickr today. The image comes from a lady named Amanda Brown in Round Rock (just north of Austin). I really liked this image- her yellow chair next to the little garden all covered in snow. It's like snow in the Spring-time. And to be honest, February 23 is practically Spring here in Texas.

We've had about the same amount of snow as in this photo here in Austin where I work and supposedly in Cedar Park where I live as well. Hopefully I can see some at my house tonight when I get home.

I have a great big picture window at my desk in my office. We raised all the blinds and took in the site of some great big snowflakes this morning! Although it can't compare to other parts of the country, it was quite a site for those of us who don't see snow on a regular basis. We get some snow or ice once every two or three years.

Two days ago (Sunday), I wore a tank top and flip flops as I cleaned up in the front yard. Today it snowed. This is the epitome of Texas weather.

Happy 44th Anniversary, Mom and Dad

2010-02-19T07:11:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was not only my grandmother's 84th birthday, it was also the day that would have been my parents' 44th wedding anniversary, if my dad were still alive. He passed away in 1991, almost twenty years ago now. I think about him a lot. Not just on his birthday or the anniversary of his death. I find myself pausing in my day and thinking about him on my parents' anniversary, at Thanksgiving or other holidays and on my birthday too. I'm not overly morose- I don't find myself in tears on a daily basis or anything. Not anymore. But I do still find it unfair that he was only given the short life span of 47 years.

However, that's not what I'm writing about today. I'm writing about the wedding of Rudi and Jimmy on February 18, 1966.

My parents met when they were 17 at Sam Houston High in Houston, Texas. They were high school sweethearts and broke up a few times and even were engaged a couple too before actually tying the knot four years later. He joined the Navy and went off to Vietnam at 19 during one of their break-ups while Mom was in college. Dad ended up going on two separate tours of duty in Vietnam, and while home between the two, convinced my mom she should marry him. He was 21 and my mom turned 21 a couple of weeks later. At my own wedding, I was 40 and turned 41 about ten days later.

They planned the wedding in two days, and were married on my grandmother's 40th birthday. There were no bridesmaids or flower girls. My mom wore a simple white suit that she bought at Foley's the day before. There's a couple of polaroids from the ceremony, but that's it.

After he finally made it home from his second tour in Vietnam alive and well (or so he seemed), he was stationed in Hawaii. My parents had the best honeymoon ever in my opinion, free of charge, as they lived there in Hawaii for eight months. I've got pictures of the two of them, 21 or 22 years old, in their swimsuits on the beach, happy and in love.

After 25 years of marriage, my mother became a widow at 46 and never remarried. She's dated a bit here and there, but I don't think anyone will ever take Dad's place for her. Until my dad's death, my parents loved each other and were as affectionate as newlyweds. My dad would grab my mother from behind while she cooked dinner to give her a quick kiss or a hug. They held hands everywhere they went and always seemed young to me.

I think Amos and I are the same way. I hope we are, and I hope yesterday passed for my mom full of happy memories and few tears. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

Happy Birthday, Grandma Grumpy

2010-02-18T12:55:00.000-08:00

Today is my grandmother's 84th birthday. My grandmother, as many folks know, would be best described as Grandma Grumpy. That is, if we were allowed to call her Grandma. She prefers to be called Grandmother, so Grandmother she has always been.

She has recently (just this past weekend) done some apologizing for some nasty behavior over Christmas. I am trying to be a grown-up. To just let go of the resentment and step away from the situation and see it from a separate place.

I sent her a birthday card. I accepted her apology. At this point I don't expect a sweet grandma who bakes me cookies. I just want her to be nice when I see her next. I want her to treat everyone with respect. I don't expect more or less than that. I'd like to see her act like a grown-up, not a spoiled child any longer. I want it for me and my family and I want it for her, too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

When I started my blog the other day, I promised to re-post some of my old blogs from my my space days. This is one I wrote back in February of 2008- two years ago exactly.

Ruth Moves to Austin, first written February 22, 2008

My grandmother has never been an easy person to love, or even talk to, for that matter. She's always been difficult. According to older members of the family, she was a spoiled brat when she was young. My mother felt closer to her own grandmother (my great-grandmother, known as "Nanny") than to her own mom.

She pushed my brother and I away when we were children because her husband (not our grandfather) requested it. When I was about nine years old, she told me "you would be so pretty if only you would lose weight." I wasn't even chunky back then. I also wasn't rail-thin, though. She has always been rather vain, and looks hold the utmost importance to her.

Money, too. When my uncle Craig died, there was quite the commotion over his money. There was very, very little of it. Oh but there was life insurance, and she wanted it all to herself. She pushed my mother even further away because of it.

I was her first grandchild, and she was only 42 when I was born. She informed my mother that she was too young to be a grandmother. I've never been allowed to call her grandma, or nanny, granny or any other affectionate term. She seemed to think that me calling her grandmother was more dignified, and made her seem younger.

There's more. This laundry list of crimes of the heart meant that most of my life, I never felt much affection for her. I felt nervous, shy and unsure around her. I never knew exactly what our relationship was. I mean, I knew she was my mother's mother. She was just so different from my own mom.

I don't know if I ever really felt any real love for her.

I always felt that she was disappointed in me. Looks were very important to her, and they still are I think. She had always compared me to her step-daughter Jessica, who is my same age. Jessica was no prettier than me. She had buggy eyes and a sad face, but she was thin. Excrutiatingly thin. After puberty, I was the pretty but chubby girl.

A few years ago, after struggling with my weight for all those years, I shed close to a hundred pounds. My grandmother, it seemed to me, suddenly showed me affection that I had never seen before. She called me her "beautiful granddaughter," which resulted in me pulling away from her. I felt myself instantly recoil when I heard those words. She suddenly, magically wanted to hug me when we met.

She had never been much of a hugger before.

My grandmother is moving to Austin this weekend to live in an assisted care place. She's lived for years in Alvin, a town just outside of Houston best known as the birthplace of baseball legend Nolan Ryan. She's just had her 82nd birthday last week and has become frail. She can't live in a house on her own anymore.

This last year, I've slowly been letting go of the past. I've forgiven her sins, perceived or otherwise. It is hard. I still see myself as that girl that could be pretty if only she were skinny. I hear her words.

She is a difficult woman to forgive and to love freely and openly. Her words can be hard and bitter. My own mother finds it hard to speak to her, to share her life and her thoughts with her. Invariably a visit to her house at Christmas or Thanksgiving would include at least one political argument between the two. Grandmother is a staunch conservative and once owned a cat named George.

But as I've said, this has been a year of letting go. Growing up. She still calls me her "beautiful granddaughter," though I am closing in on 40 now. I'm almost the age she was when she became a grandmother, and with no children of my own. She mentions that now and then, too, reminding me.

She is trying to be a nicer, gentler person, or at least it seems that way. Perhaps she is becoming sweeter in her golden years the way some folks become grumpier. She has been helping me pay for my braces this year. I gratefully accepted the offer this time. There were other offers, when I was younger, but they always fell through. It just never happened, and I lived for years with horrible teeth, just as she had when she was young.

I can honestly say that I have been sincerely gracious and utterly grateful for her help. I began writing her thank you cards with each check I received. Now I write her short letters, giving her snippets of my life with my boyfriend and his children. I once sent her pictures of us all. She wrote me back that she had shared them with her old lady friends in Alvin. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

She is not an easy woman, but she is my grandmother. Her name is Ruth, and she married my grandfather when she was only 18. He went overseas for WWII with the Air Force. She then had my mother in March, when she was just 19. A month later she became a widow when my grandfather's plane crashed in England. She married four more times after that, never very successfully. I suppose she wanted what we all want, to be loved and to feel safe. To not be lonely.

Now she is alone, and frail. She is trying, I think, to be kind and grandmotherly in a way she never was forty years ago. And I am trying to love her back and accept her kindness. Hopefully someone will do the same for me when I am an 82 year old grumpy lady.

The Perfect Day

2010-02-18T09:53:00.001-08:00

Things are slow in my office right now. Terribly slow. So slow that I'm cleaning out files and old emails and writing this. This morning, due to the slowness, my boss suggested that we all take a day off work soon, if we were so inclined. It is not usually the wont of my boss to make such suggestions. I thought about it for about half a second and decided that I would oblige her on this upcoming Monday.

Insert image of me doing a happy dance here and making giddy noises.

My husband is off work Monday as well. He doesn't work a regular office job like me, so he often has random week days free. And so it seems that the husband (henceforth to be called Amos, as that is his name) and I will be off together on Monday. Just the two of us. I'm feeling a little, well, giddy. Though the two of us are a couple of 41 year-old old fogeys, we are also sort of still newlyweds. We kind of enjoy spending time together. I know, right?

Here's how our last random free day together went down:
1. We went out for a Thai food lunch (although his friend Eric ended up coming along).
2. We went book shopping at Half-Price Books, one of my favorite places in the whole wide world.
3. We went to Goodwill, where I got these shoes.
4. We went to Lowe's to ask some questions about garbage disposals.
5. We changed clothes and went to the gym for some exercise.
6. We changed clothes again and went out to eat enchiladas and drink margaritas at La Feria. Big highlight of the day.
7. We snuggled.

It was the day I've referred to ever since as The Near-Perfect Day. Because it was. Honestly, it didn't matter what we did or where we went. It was just fantastic to have a pretty, sunny week day away from the office (for me) to spend together, doing whatever we pleased. On Monday, maybe we will eat Thai food or drink margaritas or shop for garbage disposals. It really doesn't matter.

Totally gratuitous doggie photo to offset the plane crash picture.

2010-02-18T09:17:00.001-08:00

gratuitous dog shot for boogiebabe's boys..., originally uploaded by loveaslug.

Here's a picture of my Flickr Friend Emily's super cute dog, Buffy. Isn't she cute? Don't you feel all happy now?

Plane crashes into building in Austin

2010-02-18T09:13:00.001-08:00

Plane crashes into building in Austin, originally uploaded by News8Austin.

I go right by here on my way home. This is crazy!

So far, all they know is this guy set his house (in Waco!) on fire, stole a plane in Georgetown, then flew into Austin and crashed the plane into this building. Wow. More to come, I'm sure.

Being Pretty

2010-02-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

-Ricky Fitts from American Beauty

I've taken up the task of writing about beauty, and already within half an hour, my desk has become cluttered with torn up, crumpled pieces of paper. The full scope of the concept of beauty is just too much for me to write about in one little post. So here's the first (of what will be many, I'm sure).

A few months ago I began posting my almost-daily outfit photos in two groups on Flickr, Wardrobe_Remix and Fatshionista. I'd spent awhile looking through the groups before getting the courage to add my own pictures. It seemed like I had good reasons for doing so. I'm 41 years old now and I've struggled with body acceptance, with growing older and with becoming comfortable in my own skin. I felt like posting my pictures would force me to see myself- as I really look, and as others see me. I wasn't concerned with measuring up, fashion or style-wise to the other photos I saw. It was about more than the clothes, or so it seemed to me.

I just wanted to be happy with the me I saw, right there in the pictures, online for all the world to see.

And so it's worked. I've made some friends through Flickr. Some folks comment on every one of my pictures. They might mention my smile or the new shoes I'm wearing. Sometimes they even comment on one of my cats trotting by in that morning's picture. Now, I know that my hair color or my chunky butt or my somewhat frumpyish clothes may not appeal to the masses, and that's okay. The groups I belong to don't rank pictures and no one generally gives advice on outfits unless it's specifically asked for.

In yesterday's photo I wore a simple outfit- grey skirt and leggings and a sweater. Nothing fancy, just warm and cozy and it suited me. On my way home I checked my comments and noticed one from someone I didn't recognize. She wasn't impressed, and said that my skirt and leggings were hanging funny. Nothing outright mean or hateful was said, just a not altogether positive comment.

I was surprised by my reaction. I was a little angry and felt a little humiliated. I know my outfits aren't as fashion-forward as others. Which got me thinking about a couple of things. Should I even be posting my outfits to the group pool anymore? Probably not. So I've decided to only post the things that I feel truly fantastic in. Otherwise, what's the point? I've been doing this for several months now, and have accomplished what I initially set out to do. I feel good, or comfortable with myself at this point.

And that's enough. I don't need the validation of others. Which brings me to the next thing the comment reminded me of. This post, from way back in 2006, from the blog Dress A Day Please go read it. It's beyond perfect and I refer to it often, to remind myself. I especially like this:

You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".

How odd it is that we feel like we owe anyone (besides ourselves) anything in regards to how we look. And how odder still that some folks feel the need to tell us when they find us unappealing. Now, in deference to the person who made the comment on my photo, NO she did not say anything particularly awful. And YES I did post my photo on the internets for all to see. However, I'll quote once more from the blog post of awesomeness:

But what does you-don't-have-to-be-pretty mean in practical, everyday terms? It means that you don't have to apologize for wearing things that are held to be "unflattering" or "unfashionable" -- especially if, in fact, they make you happy on some level deeper than just being pretty does. So what if your favorite color isn't a "good" color on you? So what if you are "too fat" (by some arbitrary measure) for a sleeveless top? If you are clean, are covered enough to avoid a citation for public indecency, and have bandaged any open wounds, you can wear any color or style you please, if it makes you happy.

So I will continue to wear my somewhat frumpyish clothes and I won't apologize for it. We should all do that- wear what we want, whatever that may be. Don't wear makeup if that's how you roll. And certainly do not wear three inch heels if it hurts too much. I know I don't.

It started with a crumpled piece of paper

2010-02-16T12:19:00.000-08:00

I was a reader first. By around the age of thirteen I became sort of a writer as well. Long before the internet or blogs I wrote silly little stories in wirebound notebooks. Stories with no plot, no beginning, middle or end. The stories were mainly descriptions of characters who bore strong similarities to me. Since then, I've written off and on. I carry around my stories in half-full notebooks, in jumbled up day-dreams, on crumpled up pieces of paper floating around the bottom of bookbags.

Eventually I tentatively began writing a few short blogs on that website called my space. Sometimes I wrote every day for two weeks straight, then I skipped a month or two. That website just really wasn't the thing for me. What I wanted (but didn't even know at the time) was my my very own blog. My own space just to write, to be specific.

Last year I joined flickr and began writing these silly little daily diaries for my friends. It was close to my goal, but not what I really needed. My friend Erin encouraged me to really do it- to do this. Here's the thing. I didn't want to start a genre-specific blog, so I hesitated. Most blogs seem to fit into these categories:

Family Updates
Diet Diaries
Fashion
Travel Diaries
Wedding Planning
Style & Decorating
Artsy-craftsy
Churchy-religious
Photography
Feminism

Now don't get me wrong, I do read some that fit into these categories (except for the diet and the church stuff). I just didn't want to write something quite so limited in scope. So here's where I am now, beginning this mash-up of a blog. Here's some of what you will find if you read my blog:

Silliness
Not so silliness
Fiction
Non-fiction
Books
Love
Food
Fatshion
My past
My future
My life

I also plan to re-post (with some editing) my old my space blogs. Some are quite good. Some I'm throwing out altogether. I'll try to write a lot, even if some days it's just a little writing and cute pictures of my kitties. I know how everyone likes pictures- I promise more of that from now on. And that's the end of my first post, which began as a crumpled piece of paper.