It is a fact of life that we all have these days.
Today is mine. I made an unfortunate clothing choice and there's now photographic proof. Tank tops, why do you treat me so?
I have so much to say about this, but it's hard to wrap my brain around it in an articulate way at the moment. My weight has gone up and down over the years and recently it's gone up. I'm trying to find a way to be okay with it and just accept that this is who I am.
I want to really be able to embrace myself as I am, and to see myself for the lovely being that others proclaim me to be. I'm trying not to see myself as a fat, lazy slob. I'm trying to forgive myself for the unfortunate red tank top I chose today. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that I got myself skinny once and then gained practically every bit of it back.
This is hard.
When I lost the weight before, I was depressed. The depression wasn't related to my body, but I stopped eating. I became obsessed with becoming thin and did it in a really unhealthy way.
I don't want to do that again. I just want to be happy with myself. I don't believe that only thin people are healthy. I know that health and beauty comes in all different sizes. But I also know that I've gotten lazy and I don't take care of myself as well as I should these days.
I want to see the beautiful me that my husband sees.
This is excruciatingly hard.
Just for the record, this is not a diet blog. Please don't comment with suggestions for losing weight. If you do that, you're sort of missing the point of this post. Thanks.